House
Maternity

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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
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Maybe Dead Baby

Now House is showing baby Max to Wilson, who is more amazed by the fact that House is in the same room as a patient than he is by House's assertion that both Max and another baby, whom House refers to "Exhibit B," are both suffering from the same illness. House simply replies that he only hates his patients once they get teeth, probably because his sarcastic implications that they're all morons have gotten him bitten on the hand more than once. Wilson says that the babies don't have the same illness at all: Max has a bowel obstruction (ouch, again), and Exhibit B does not. House says that bowel obstructions are just symptoms of a doctor of "indeterminate skill" in reading an x-ray wrong. Wilson tells House that he's willing to give him the key to the Oncology lounge to prevent this from happening again. They've got TiVo over there. No wonder we see that "Benefactors" plaque so often; this place has so many of them that every wall of the hospital must be lined with them. When I used to work at a hospital, I hung out in our department's doctor's lounge and it wasn't nearly this well-appointed. Granted, it was the Pathology lounge, meaning there were books filled with pictures of chromosomally abnormal babies where the plasma screen TV should be and jars filled with souvenirs from tumor removals instead of a TiVo. I ate my lunch there on my first day of work and never, ever went back.

Despite his friend's doubts, House goes to Cuddy with his baby epidemic theory. He must be concerned if he's in her office voluntarily. He demands that the sick babies be isolated and the entire maternity ward shut down. Cuddy isn't buying it; she thinks House is just creating a problem because he likes to create problems. House says that Cuddy's brilliant insight into his mind saves him money he would otherwise spend on a shrink, and Cuddy laughs. "If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself," she says. "The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake." It would be an easy enough thing to implement; surely that ob/gyn lounge has an automatic fresh-baked cookie dispenser. Just cover a few of those in Saran Wrap and watch the profits roll in! "Two sick babies is very sad, but it does not prove an epidemic," Cuddy finishes, and walks out. "How many do?" House asks himself, looking just a little bit too curious and eager to find the answer to this.

Poor Chase is rudely awoken from a nap when House tosses a book on his crotch. The Cottages assemble, and House tells them they're going hunting. "For what?" asks Foreman in his trademark "what now?" tone.

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