House
Maternity

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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
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Maybe Dead Baby

Cuddy swabs a machine. Wilson walks up to ask if she's made any progress; she hasn't. Wilson, don't you have something to do? Aren't you some kind of doctor? He tells Cuddy to "calm down." I'd like to see him try that with one of those bereaved parents. "Calm down, Mom. Things always work themselves out eventually. Hey, if your baby dies, do you still celebrate Mother's Day? I always thought it was one of those greeting-card industry holidays, myself, but --" and then he is slapped. Cuddy answers that she is calm, and then storms up to that tie-clip-rebel med student and cuts his free-as-the-wind-blows tie off just below the knot. "I warned you," she says. True that.

Max's Mom stands outside the NICU. Chase comes out and tells her that Max's temperature has been stable for the last hour. "We're not gonna make it, are we?" Mom says. You see, her next door neighbors divorced four months after their son died. When Max dies, her marriage will, too. Chase hates these awkward emotional doctor-patient conversations, so he's almost relieved when alarms start going off in the NICU and he has to run back inside. Almost.

Chase and a team of nameless, faceless medical people tend to the dying baby. Mom runs in and asks if her baby is dying. As she's escorted out, Chase tells her it isn't her baby that's dying...

...which means our lesbian couple is the Deadly Antibiotic Lottery's unlucky winners! The entire Cottage team works on the baby. House and Wilson enter the room and watch. The lesbians watch, too, until the baby goes into v-fib and the blinds are shut in their face while the defibrillator gets ready to go to work. A CGI baby heart lights up with electricity as Chase zaps it over and over until House declares the time of death, thereby giving us a start time for dead baby jokes, which I will not be making here because this was really sad and also because I have a fear of dead babies. It only takes accidentally coming across one to be scarred for life.

House orders all the sick babies to be put on vancomycin, that being the antibiotic the recently deceased baby was not on. He tells Cameron to tell the parents that their child probably saved five lives. Yes, I'm sure that will dry their tears away right quick. Cameron protests that Chase or House or the random lady down the hall or anyone but her should deliver the bad news. "Make sure she does her job," House whispers to Wilson. Yeah, Wilson is definitely the right guy to consult when it comes to making sure people do their jobs.

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