House
Maternity

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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
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Maybe Dead Baby

Wilson and Cameron enter a waiting room. The lesbians grasp the TEDDY BEAR OF DEATH DEATH DEATTTHHHH in their hands. Wilson and Cameron enter in slow motion and without sound. Not like we need to hear anything, since Cameron once again chokes and isn't able to tell the parents the bad news. As slow, sad music plays, Wilson mouths an "I'm sorry." The Moms lose it. This scene is so heart-wrenching... must... resist... making... Law and Order... "is this because I'm a lesbian?" quote... joke. Well, I tried.

House is angry at Wilson for bailing Cameron out. Wilson says that Cameron has a "problem," and may want to consider a different specialty -- one that doesn't involve having to tell people bad news. She can be a Clown Doctor! Chase runs up and, sounding like he's on the verge of tears, informs House that Max is getting sicker now, too. The vancomycin isn't working. We're back to square one, i.e. approaching the forty-minute mark.

The entire opening-credits cast meets to figure out what to do next. "What the hell is this?" House asks. Foreman thinks it's a Superbug. Cuddy's doubtful; there have only been two known cases of it in America. House makes a little speech about how the Superbug is all the doctors' faults for prescribing antibiotics for cases of the sniffles and putting antibacterial soaps all over the place, like he doesn't go around loading people up with unnecessary hardcore antibiotics in every single episode. He tells everyone to go home; there's nothing more they can do tonight.

House, on the other hand, has a date with a dead baby. He takes a minute to reflect and possibly go on a short guilt trip before starting the autopsy.

The next day, House has slides of the dead baby's heart tissue to show to the group. The slides indicate that the babies have a virus that affects their hearts. Foreman says that there are about a thousand different viruses that could be responsible, and that the babies only have enough blood for five or six lab tests. Virus suspects will be narrowed down using the sophisticated scientific process of writing a "yes" and a "no" column on the whiteboard. The doctors make their suggestions in the sophisticated dramatic process of a montage. When it's done, we've got eight possible viruses to test for. House asks if there are any healthy babies left in the hospital. Cuddy says that there is one whose discharge was delayed because it was jaundiced. I have it on very good authority that only the best babies are born with jaundice. That authority being, of course, pictures of newborn me hanging out in an incubator, mellow and yellow. Cuddy walks off to have the well baby's blood tested to use as a control, but she's not happy about it.

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House

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