House
Merry Little Christmas

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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A Little Of This, A Little Of That

House washes his face and notices that his hands are shaking. Life sucks when you're House.

Maddy calls for Cameron. Abigail is bleeding out of her mouth again.

House stops by the pharmacy to ask recurring character Marco the Pharmacist for Mr. Zebalusky's meds. The long-suffering Marco says that Zebalusky is Wilson's patient, and House says that Wilson is busy and asked House to get the meds for him. He also points out that Mr. Zebalusky is currently in agony without his pain medicine, in an effort to light a fire under the increasingly suspicious Marco's ass. Marco tells House to sign the book and gives House the meds. Uh oh.

While some random guy dressed like a chauffeur walks by with a huge-ass Christmas present, House huddles in the stairwell and takes his sweet, sweet meds. The ones that belong to a dead guy. I think the line has been crossed. Again.

Chase brings the crew up to speed on Abigail's condition. The news isn't good. She doesn't have Still's after all, and she'll go into multi-system failure if they don't figure out what's wrong with her soon. Foreman says that Abigail's head CT was clear, so the problem isn't neurological, and therefore his level of expertise has been reached. Cameron and Wilson's departments are still in the running, so they fight over whether Abigail has cancer or an autoimmune disease again. Actually, it's more like Wilson is trying to throw out some suggestions and Cameron is shooting them all down with an eyeroll that suggests that Wilson is a total retard. Foreman shuts them up, saying that they keep bouncing back and forth between cancer and autoimmune and not getting anywhere. Everyone looks to Cuddy for a decision. "Give me half an hour," she says. You hear that, Abigail's kidneys? Cuddy needs a half an hour. Don't go shutting down now.

House rides the Oxy wave and enjoys the first meal he's been able to keep down in two days: four hot dogs and a plate of fries. His fun time is soon ruined, however, when an adorable girl in a wheelchair approaches the table and asks for some of his fries. "Get your own!" he says. Seriously; what kind of awful manners does that girl have, asking a random guy to give her his fries like that? I blame the parents. She says that House took the last ones. Well, that's another thing PPTH sucks at: having enough fries in stock to feed the sick kids. House asks the girl what's wrong with her. "I have Spinal Muscular Atrophy," she says. Little kids should never have to know words that big. Since SMA isn't contagious, House hands the plate of fries to the girl. He even compliments her stuffed animal. I think he should make this switch from Vicodin to Oxycontin permanent; it's doing wonders for his mood so far. Now that the little girl has what she wants, she's not so nice. When House says "Nice bear," she coldly replies, "It's a dog." Cuddy walks up and informs House that his Still's diagnosis was wrong and Abigail is now bleeding from her nose and mouth. Geez, Cuddy, not in front of the kids. Girl's trying to enjoy her fries and childhood innocence. House decides to enter an argument he can win, and insists that the girl's stuffed animal is a bear. "His name's Bill. He's a dog," the girl says, as if having the name "Bill" excludes one from being a bear. Cuddy pulls some Vicodin out of her pocket and waves it in front of House. But he is not tempted. He tells the girl that Bill is a bear. "Are you on something?" Cuddy asks. This gets her an adorable "Don't you know me by now?" look from House. Cuddy can't believe it. House still can't believe Bill is a dog, even though the girl points out that he has fur, four legs, and a collar. Those first two things don't really differentiate a bear from a dog, but she does have a point with the last one. House tells her that is a "faulty syllogism": "Just because you call a bear a dog doesn't mean that he is..." and here House trails off because he's just had another Brilliant Realization. "We've gotta x-ray our patient's leg," he tells Cuddy, and they're off.

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