House
Merry Little Christmas

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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A Little Of This, A Little Of That

A worried Abigail waits for the doctors to stick a tube down her throat to look at her liver. The doctors above her are more concerned with using her condition to make veiled references to House: Wilson says that sticking a tube down a patient's throat can be painful, but is ultimately helpful. Foreman counters that they should respect their patient's wishes and not force things on them. Abigail tires of this and falls asleep. Wilson and Foreman are concerned; they haven't given Abigail the sedative yet. Foreman notes that Abigail's breath smells "fruity," a sign of diabetic ketoacidosis, which means Abigail's pancreas is fucked, y'all!

And here's where the show takes a turn for the melodramatic. Cuddy shows up on House's doorstep. He's going through withdrawal and looking crappy. Cuddy begs him to help her out with Abigail, but House won't do it without his pills. And on one hand, it's shitty of House to care more about his pills than he does about an innocent patient's life. On the other hand, PPTH really needs to hire at least one more competent doctor so that they aren't forced to go begging to House when they're stumped. I mean, really. It's pathetic. I'll bet St. Sebastian's doesn't do this. They probably have, like, five competent doctors over there. House asks whether Cuddy would rather let a patient die than give House his pills. She says she'd rather lose one patient now than however many will die when House is in prison. That's a good point, although I have a feeling Maddy and Abigail wouldn't be so thrilled with it. House slams the door in Cuddy's face. She's shocked.

Cuddy, Wilson, and the Cottages meet in Cuddy's office to figure out what's wrong with Abigail. Cameron takes a second to gloat over the fact that House was totally right and they're killing Abigail by depriving him of his Vicodin, and then everyone gets down to business. Chase suggests Langerhans cell histiocytosis, and is dismissed by Foreman, who says that usually starts in the brain and Abigail has no neurological symptoms. Wilson suggests Hodgkin's lymphoma, much to Cameron's eye-rolling disgust. She knocks the oncologist for only coming up with cancer diagnoses, and then proceeds to make an autoimmune disease diagnosis when she's an immunologist. House's Christmas present to me: Cameron is her Season 1 ridiculous self and I get to have much fun making fun of her. Thanks, guys! Cameron is so desperate to shoot down Wilson's theories that she even suggests lupus, which it never is. They squabble for a while, and then Cuddy finally breaks up the fight and tells Wilson to do an LP for lymphoma, and has the Cottages run an antibody test for lupus, which it never is. As for Cuddy, she'll be sighing sadly and looking tired and torn.

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House

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