House

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Sara M: D+ | 5 USERS: B
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Who's the Fairest One of All?

House focuses back to the patient and tells the Numbers to try to set off another laryngospasm, as it's the only way for them to learn why Frank is having them in the first place. They go off to torture their newest victim, leaving Foreman and House alone. The two take a stroll down the hall, where Foreman apologizes for Cuddy's public display of authority. House says Cuddy was just trying to establish her dominance, albeit four seasons too late. It's no skin off House's back; if he can't fire Foreman, he'll just make him miserable enough to quit. Foreman says he won't quit (this time), no matter how miserable House threatens to make him. "I already am miserable," he says, although his natty suit and cheery pink tie seem to say otherwise.

Someone has allowed CTB near the machinery, so she and Random Guy are administering a stress test to Frank to try to kill him. CTB pays little attention to Frank, instead grumbling that Cuddy is going to make sure none of them get hired. Random Guy concentrates on the task at hand, since he's Random Guy, and there's no point in giving him dialogue. CTB just wants to know whose ass she's supposed to kiss to get the job: Cuddy's or House's. The answer, of course, is C: Wilson's. Meanwhile, Frank complains that his foot feels tingly and his stomach hurts. He asks the doctors if the stress test is supposed to cause that. "No," CTB answers simply.

She heads out into the hall to tell everyone about Frank's new symptoms, only to find them crowded around Chase, who announces the latest odds on which Number is going to get fired this week. There is no limit on how much you can bet, so CTB immediately puts five hundred dollars on Kumar, who responds with a thousand dollar bet on CTB. I would just bet ten million dollars on myself and then do something that gave PPTH no choice but to fire me. Then I'd be out of work, but with a huge pile of cash. I guess you have to pay up front though, as Chase says he won't take checks, and CTB and Kumar stand around looking awkward. You can end the scene anytime now, editors.

Foreman has taken over the blackboard, and he writes down Frank's new symptoms while House sits at one of the desks and sulks. Just like the time when Foreman became his temporary boss. Instead of calling this "repetitive," let's say they're artfully mirroring a past scene and then count our blessings that they chose this and not, say, Stacy Frozenface or Shitter. While the Numbers and Foreman try to help their patient, House interrupts them with jabs at Foreman and how he quit PPTH, has a tattoo, and doesn't want to turn into House, and yet, here is he is at House's blackboard. "Can we stick to the medicine here?" Foreman asks naively. He really has been away from PPTH for a long time. Fortunately, the immature name-calling is interrupted by an urgent page -- Frank just crashed. It'd be kind of worth it if Frank died right now and they spent the rest of the episode ripping House a new one for calling Foreman a whore instead of curing a dying man. Anyway, the Numbers take their sweet-ass time leaving the classroom to bring their patient back to life. If that were me dying, I'd come back to life just to slap them all for calmly walking to my dead body. They didn't even speed-walk! Once they're gone, Foreman tells House that he was right -- Foreman is a whore who compromised his principles by coming back to PPTH. He didn't have a choice. Now that he's worked for House (um, and there's that little matter of disobeying orders and kidnapping a patient over at Mercy), he's unhireable anywhere else, as evidenced by the two places he interviewed before giving up. "I hate being here," he says.

The Numbers finally make their way to Frank, who's lying on the floor, seemingly alone. This raises the question: who paged House? And why would a building full of medical personnel just leave a man dying on the floor like that? Do they not have to help him if he isn't their patient? Were they on their coffee break and refused to be interrupted? PPTH is a building full of irredeemable assholes! Even lowlife muggers care more about human life than the staff. Kumar wants to take this opportunity to see if Frank is having larygnospasms, but CTB points out that the information will be useless if their patient is dead, so they might want to concentrate on getting him breathing again. So while Kumar does his studying, CTB runs off to get an intubation kit. And PS just runs away, presumably hoping to avoid murder charges. As for Foreman and House, they watch the action from afar, neither feeling the need to help at all. House says he realizes that Foreman is in an impossible position and there's no point in humiliating him further. "Thanks," Foreman says, absurdly thinking House is being nice. House says he'll just humiliate Cuddy instead until she fires Foreman. Foreman ignores him, saying he's got a new theory on their patient: he's faking everything. Reading through Frank's file, Foreman points out that Frank's character name, "Martin Harris," is exactly the same as that of the EMT who brought him in, and Frank's symptoms are the same as those of his fellow patients, as written on the whiteboard at the nurse's station. A nurse's station staffed by nurses who won't lift a finger to help a guy dying on the floor except to page his doctor. Either Frank has Munchausens or he's Keyser Soze, Foreman says. House disagrees: while Munchausens patients create symptoms, they do not create names. Also, we've seen Munchausens in a different episode.

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