House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D+ | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Who's the Fairest One of All?

Figuring two out of three is good enough odds, House tells them to stick a needle in Frank's liver. PS grows a pair and says that Foreman should be consulted about this before they do anything. "You're risking a patient's life to get back at Cuddy," he says. House says he's got a better way to do that, and asks all the Clinic patients to raise their hands if they don't have health insurance. A number of people gleefully hold their hands high in the air, as if that's something to be proud of or admit to in a medical care setting. In this case, though, it is, as House orders expensive tests and private rooms for all of them. That's bad news for the patients who actually need those tests and have to wait behind the people who don't just so House can get back at Cuddy, but I guess we don't care about them. We'd better get an episode later on this season where Cuddy rejects House's annual raise on the grounds that PPTH has to save money after running all those expensive tests on people with no insurance.

Random Guy attempts to do the liver biopsy. He misses the first time and apologizes to Frank, who's too busy grunting in a Random Guy-like way to care. Um...does anyone really care about Random Guy at this point? I mean, he's Random Guy. He's wallpaper. Why bother expanding his character now? Random Guy asks what's wrong with Frank, who says it's "personal." Random Guy finds it hard to believe a guy with no memory could have personal problems, but I'd say that's the guy who would have the most personal problems. To wit: "I'm in a hospital. I don't want to be in a hospital," Frank whines. Random Guy withdraws a tube full of black gunk from Frank's liver lesion. "I'm bored," Frank says. Random Guy realizes Frank is talking about him. "You think everything's okay as long as you don't think about it, don't deal with it," Frank continues. Okay, but how can Random Guy deal with anything? He only gets, like, three lines an episode. Anyway, he's too busy staring at the black gunk to pay attention to Frank, who suddenly comes alive and gets all excited. Random Guy says he thinks he's looking at pus from a fungal infection. He gets all animated and says that when he was a Doctor Without Borders, he saw this kind of thing in tsunami survivors who got a fungal infection from the sand. Damn, between this and those Thailand threadworms, the sand in that region is bad news. "That's so cool!" Frank exclaims. Yes, Frank, tsunamis are really cool. They're just awesome.

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House

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