House, still recovering from his leg surgery, vows to change his ways while downing Vicodin after Vicodin. He gets a new case in a genius performance artist named Afsoun who collapsed in the middle of her latest show, right before she was supposed to be lit on fire. It turns out that her PPTH visit is part of her act, too -- she and her assistant/lover are secretly videotaping the entire thing and some -- but not all -- of her symptoms were faked. The trick for House, she says, is to figure out which symptoms are real. He easily realizes that she has terminal cancer, something she already knew after being diagnosed by her New York doctors, but when she complains of eczema, House realizes that their diagnosis was wrong and she actually has Wegener's granulomatosis. The good news is, it's curable. The bad news is, the treatment is radiation, which Afsoun refuses, saying the radiation she had months ago when she thought she had cancer affected her brain and made it harder for her to be a performance artist genius. Her assistant/lover refuses to watch her die, and ultimately, she decides that his love and her life is more important than her art and chooses to get the radiation.
Meanwhile, Taub is suffering from a case of Super Sperm, as he manages to get not one, but two women pregnant by accident. Yes, his ex-wife is pregnant, too. It's the story arc that keeps on giving!
Finally, of course, this wouldn't be a season finale of House if something totally insane didn't happen, so after Cuddy unsuccessfully tries to talk to House about his feelings and make things better between them, she moves on and has an odd mid-afternoon double date at her home with her sister, brother-in-law, and a guy that her sister is trying to fix her up with. When House sees them enjoying life in Cuddy's dining room, he does the only reasonable thing: he drives his car through her house and into said dining room, somehow managing not to kill or injure anyone inside. Yes, House is now actively trying to murder people, including Cuddy's three-year-old daughter who may well have been home and in the room at the time the car went through it. She wasn't, but he didn't know that. So he's pretty much irredeemable, as is, I think, this show. The season ends with House -- who somehow managed to escape the police who are actively looking for him even though he was on foot and, as we know, he's not the fastest walker -- hanging out somewhere tropical and looking about as happy as he ever gets.
Well, it's season finale time, and that means House is going to CROSS the LINE and do something SHOCKING, just like he does in every season finale and also most non-finale episodes! I wonder if they make the Fox Announcer Guy re-record that promise every week or if they just use the same one over and over? We open on a close-up of Cuddy's face (soon to be never seen again on this show) with most of the color drained from it and the rest of the shot. There's enough left, though, to see the red and blue flashing lights of police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances surrounding her. Wilson's there, too, having a wound on his arm treated by a paramedic. Cuddy finally speaks, asking the cop questioning her if they're almost done so she can call Murphy Brown and get her daughter. The cop answers her question with a question of his own: "he didn't threaten you?" "No," Cuddy says. "A fight?" he asks. "Not really," Cuddy sighs. "Was there any indication that something would happen?" he asks. "Yeah," Cuddy laughs mirthlessly; "every moment I've been with him." I think it's safe to say they're discussing House. But House is not here, and Cuddy tells the cop she has no idea where he went while helicopters can be heard circling overhead, a.k.a. House CROSSED the LINE so hard this time that he got the attention of the police and/or news media choppers.
The cop thinks Cuddy is lying to him because she doesn't want to turn House in, but Cuddy says she'll file any charges the police ask her to (thus leaving the nature of those charges intentionally vague for the audience for now) and "if Greg House steps foot in my hospital again or comes anywhere near me -- I want him thrown in jail." Well, the writers sure did a great job of ruining that enjoyable aspect of the show. You know, I liked it when House and Cuddy used to bicker and have sexual tension, pre-relationship. I think a lot of people did. And, unlike a lot of people, I liked a lot of things about their relationship. But now all of that has been totally destroyed with no hope of it ever coming back for reasons I truly do not understand. It seems like, starting with when they randomly fired Jennifer Morrison, the people behind the scenes decided that they hate their viewers and want to make sure there's nothing left to enjoy about their own show by systemically eliminating everything that was awesome about it.
But aren't the few viewers who are left at this point curious to find out just what House did to Cuddy? Sure they (or he, if it's only one person, which is entirely possible) are (is)! We go back in time three days and to a gallery, where a "performance" "artist" named Afsoun stands surrounded by various objects suspended from the ceiling. A flashlight. An axe. Hand fans. A tin of paint thinner. A mirror. Bullets. You know, the usual stuff. A woman walks up to Afsoun's note-taking assistant, Luka, and asks if "we can use any of these? And just do whatever we want to her?" Luka says that's why they're there. At this point, Foreman pauses the show on House's laptop. Chase asks why they're watching this crap, and Hadley bristles, saying that Afsoun is a "genius" and just won the MacArthur Fellowship (a.k.a. "the Genius Grant") that "legally" proves this. Um, no, it doesn't. Everyone knows that you're only a genius if you're stupid enough to pay MENSA to let you join them. The Cottages look clueless, prompting Hadley to ask if any of these philistines read The New Yorker. House says he just read Afsoun's patient file. Chase asks if House should be taking new cases on since he just had surgery this morning and all. House says his doctor said he could treat patients as long as he didn't get out of bed. Which doctor would make such a careless recommendation? Dr. Hourani, says a nurse who looks suspiciously similar to Evil Nurse Brenda. Hadley can't believe that House would actually ask anyone for permission to do anything, let alone Hourani, who House kind of hates (and vice versa). House says it's all a part of the changes he's making.