House
Moving On

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 1 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
House Wrecker

Chase and Hadley are drawing blood when Afsoun complains of nausea. Luka adds that she said she had a backache, too. Afsoun says it's only a 5 on the pain scale, but Chase and Hadley know she isn't a reliable source. When Afsoun clutches her right side, they take a look and find that her pancreas is seriously sick and in danger of spreading its damage to her other internal organs and kill her if she doesn't tell them what's wrong with her in time for them to help her. She stays silent. Luka begs her to talk, but she tells him to "trust" that she knows what she's doing.

I'm not sure if House is watching porn or General Hospital on his portable television when Hadley walks in to update him about Afsoun's pancreas and how unconcerned Afsoun is about it. Hadley says the pancreas symptoms have to be real, since it's pretty much impossible to give yourself a cyst there. House says the only thing that explains Afsoun's lack of concern about her seemingly dire condition is that she already knows what she has is going to kill her anyway.

Afsoun is having another CT scan (OF BOREDOOOM!!) after the break. House has escaped his hospital bed in order to run the scan, and he tells Luka his theory. Based on Afsoun's symptoms that they believe are real and her head/body-shaving art exhibition four months ago, House thinks Afsoun has terminal cancer. She shaved all of her body hair because she knew it was going to fall out anyway, and this way no one would know. Sure enough, House finds a tumor in Afsoun's brain and diagnoses her with primary CNS lymphoma and paraneoplastic syndrome. Afsoun admits that House is correct, explaining that she went to a hospital in New York four months ago with vision and balance problems and got the diagnosis. The tumor was inoperable and the radiation treatments weren't effective, so that was that. "They sent me home," she says. She then broke up with Luka because she thought it wasn't "fair" to drag him into her health problems. "I'm involved now!" Luka says tearfully. He accuses her of not wanting to open up to him. Afsoun just says that her "mind" wasn't "clear" at the time.

House says that when Afsoun's head did clear, she apparently realized that she could turn her impending death into her best art project yet, using House to either show that even the most brilliant doctor can't cheat death or how a patient can be depersonalized into a bunch of symptoms. He's not sure which one it is. Afsoun won't say if he's right or not, just that if the latter was her original intention, she doesn't feel that way any more, because House clearly cared enough about her and her case to spend time with her and take it personally. House is insulted. He says he did not care about Afsoun and that all this "art project" is is her reaction to finding out she's mortal and human and not special. And maybe, in the back of her mind, she hoped House's diagnosis would be more hopeful than her other doctor's. House grabs the elephant camera and tells it that Afsoun should call her project "It Doesn't Mean Anything." I'm about this close to naming the recap that.

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House

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