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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
4th And Goal
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

A gigantic man wearing a football uniform with the number 77 on it performs various football drills in front of a small crowd of scouts and his mother. She's really pushy, telling a nearby scout why her son is totally awesome at football and should be drafted immediately. Because if there's one thing that scouts take seriously, it's the player's mother's opinion. Even #77's coach has good things to say about his performance, and coaches almost never have anything nice to say. But things go wrong when 77 lines up for a play and gets a little too aggressive, shoving and yelling at a defending player well after the whistle. He then grabs the guy by his helmet and starts dragging him across the field until he removes both the other player's helmet and his own, making it easy to beat himself in the forehead with the other guy's helmet so hard that the music comes to an abrupt end. I hope the scouts didn't see that!

The next morning, Wilson gets out of bed to find House enjoying a soak in Wilson's private bathtub. "This is not okay," Wilson says, although he doesn't seem to mind the view of the presumably naked House. House says his bathroom doesn't have a tub and he needs to soak his leg because this is one of those increasingly rare times when it hurts. I'd have an easier time believing that if he hadn't just been singing a merry tune, seemingly pain-free. Wilson tells House to stay out of his bathroom, totally unsympathetic to the guy who has a pretty good reason for needing to borrow the tub.

At work, the Cottages are huddled around a laptop watching the footage of 77 attacking his own forehead. Hadley describes their newest patient as 6'7" and 310 pounds. That is tall, but still an inch shorter than Bull from Night Court! 77 has no recollection of the helmet incident, so there's obviously something wrong with his brain, but the CT scan showed no evidence of a brain injury. Not even after he tried to destroy it with the helmet? Damn. House instadiagnoses 77 with 'roid rage, saying the fact that drug tests came back negative just shows that he was able to get his hands on undetectable steroids. Foreman wants to look at other possibilities, including a pituitary adenoma. Hadley supports this idea because she's cool with him this week. House sends the Cottages off to check 77 for the adenoma. But first, he must do that awkward thing with Hadley where they're both in each other's way and each time they try to step aside to let the other person by, the other person steps aside the same way. Hadley is able to break out of the cycle with a well-timed spin move. If only her mother wasn't dead, she'd be able to talk up Hadley's juke skills to the NFL scouts! [I can hear it now! "Did you see Thirteen? The way she deftly avoids awkwardness? That's a talent that you just can't learn. -- Angel] House calls Foreman back to talk to him about how his brother Marcus is being let out of prison today and needs Foreman to pick him up, per the message left on House's phone. Apparently Marcus had no luck getting Foreman to call him back after leaving messages at his home and on his cell, nor was he able to get their parents to take care of this. So he called Foreman's boss instead. House kindly (and surely, ulterior-motive-free!) gives Foreman the day off to reunite with his brother, but Foreman would rather work, obviously having some serious issues with his brother. House is pleased, as he now has a new project.

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