House

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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4th And Goal

House is lounging in bed when his leg starts to hurt. So he strips down (for the ladies!!!) and soaks in Wilson's tub. By the way, Wilson's bathroom looks remarkably free of possum damage. His mood improved by the warm water and the knowledge that he's doing something that would piss Wilson off, he sings to himself as he scrubs his back using one of those long bath brushes. The only person I've ever known who actually uses one of those is my Nanny. Who is 79. And lives in another country. Also, when I looked up bath brush to find a picture of one to make sure I was using the right terminology, a bunch of pictures from blog about spanking naughty adult women came up. So don't do that. Anyway, House grabs the self-installed handicap rail to help him get out of the tub, only for it to rip out of the wall, sending him flying back into the tub and the rail flying into his face.

He's lying in wait on the ugly orange couch when Wilson finally returns home, startled to find House lying on the couch in the dark while holding a large metal pole. House flicks the light on to reveal that he has a nice cut on his cheek, a wound from his battle against the rail. Wilson denies having anything to do with this, even though he did promise to get revenge on House for the possum thing. Wilson chalks it up to "karmic justice" instead. House doesn't believe him, and declares war. Then he easily rolls off the couch and walks away even though his leg prevented him from being able to get out of the bathtub without a malfunctioning helper rail.

Meanwhile, Chase is removing 77's spleen when he sees that 77's liver is inflamed, meaning that the itching was not caused by 77's spleen after all and Foreman's diagnosis was wrong. Oops!

When House arrives at work the next day, Hadley's first concern is what happened to his face, even though it's just a small cut and it's kind of rude to ask people about their face wounds. House says it's a war wound as Foreman informs him that 77's biopsies came back negative for lymphoma. Um, what? They got the biopsy results that quickly after they just said they couldn't do a biopsy because it would take too long? As Marcus hands House his daily Frappuccino, he delights in telling the group another story from Foreman's past, this time about the time he took his mother's birth control pills on a dare and got swollen nipples, thus causing his high school classmates to give him the nickname "Erica." Hadley and Taub grin and turn in unison from House to Foreman, who denies that this ever happened. Taub and Hadley turn back to House expectantly. I kind of love those two together, I must admit. House turns to Marcus, who admits he made the story up in the hopes that his brother "still had a sense of humor" and "play along." Um, why? Who wants everyone to believe you took woman hormones and your entire high school gave you a girl's name because of it? And how is that a way to win your way back into your brother's heart? Foreman ignores him and suggests a diagnosis of polymyositis. Why are we pretending that anyone cares about 77 anymore? He's gotten the least amount of camera time for a patient of the week in the history of this show, I think. In the end, Taub's viral hepatitis diagnosis is the most likely, saying it was introduced to 77 by a team doctor who accidentally used the same needle twice. Even Marcus knows better than to re-use a needle. House asks Marcus if he likes Taub's diagnosis based on whether or not Taub looks like an idiot. "I don't think he's an idiot," Marcus says, in a way that suggests that he thinks Taub is other things. House sends the Cottages off to test 77 for hepatitis while he and Marcus have lunch.

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House

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