House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | 1610 USERS: B-
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Scared Lovers Try Positions They Can't Handle

Cuddy having left, House returns to talking about the case. Chase and Cameron put forth some diagnoses for House to shoot down, and then he tells them to stop thinking like doctors and start thinking like plumbers. "Come on -- let me see some buttcrack!" he says, mostly for the promo editors. He says that the problem in Stevie's liver was caused by something "punching through" the vein. Stevie's blood then clotted around that thing and formed a mass. Foreman continues to believe that it's a clot. It could also be a granuloma. House orders them away to find one, and then goes off for Clinic duty, telling people get out of his crippled way. Foreman and Chase go to do some work while Cameron sticks around to roll her eyes.

House enters an exam room to find a mother and son. The mother says that her son claims his throat hurts, but she thinks he's just trying to get out of school. House doesn't have time for this, and he's right. Don't abuse a free clinic just to teach your son a lesson. You're taking time and resources away from the people who really need the free clinic, and although we've never actually seen those people in the clinic yet, I'm sure they're around off-camera. House makes a point of telling them that his wheelchairness prevents him from being able to examine the kid all the way up on that table. The kid jumps down, and House looks at his throat and reports that it looks fine. Yeah, well, a doctor once told me that my throat looked fine, too, and it turned out that I had severe tonsillitis. And my mother once accused me of faking sick and sent me to school, only for me to be sent home with a fever. She felt really bad about that and I got Burger King for dinner. It was totally worth it. Also, to be fair to my mom, I didn't put forth a very convincing case for why I was too sick to go to school. That was because I was too weak from the fever, but there you go. House grabs a huge syringe full of saline and says that he's going to make the kid hate the doctor more than he hates school. The saline, House says, will "hurt like hell" when he injects it into the kid's muscle. The mom tells House that he's gone far enough, and House asks the kid if his mother is a "big, fat idiot." The kid nods emphatically. Damn, House. There was no need to bring weight into this. Let's all hope that the kid isn't so traumatized by all of this that he refuses to go to the doctor when he really needs to.

House

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