House
Needle In A Haystack

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Scared Lovers Try Positions They Can't Handle

In the snowy hills of New Jersey, a young couple makes out in the back seat of a car. They must be really horny if they're doing it in the sub-zero weather. The blonde girl pressures her boyfriend to make out with her, but he keeps acting hesitant and not really into it, probably because he's freezing to death. Suddenly, there's a knock at the window. It's a police officer, who knows exactly what's going on in there and says that he'll be back in ten minutes and will be calling parents if the kids are still there. The boyfriend looks about twenty-five, so I don't think his parents are going to mind too much. The cop leaves, and the girl keeps going at it, taking off her shirt and saying they've got nine minutes. Suddenly, her boyfriend starts gasping for air. The girl is so freaked out that she runs out of the car without her shirt on, crying for help. It's pretty funny. No help is forthcoming -- I guess since the cop peeled out of there to give them privacy -- so she gets in the car to drive.

After the credits, someone else is doing the driving. House pulls his car up to his usual parking spot, only to find a "J. Whitner, M.D.'s" name under the handicapped sign. He should be more concerned about the fact that his awesome Corvette turned into what appears to be the Reliant K my best friend inherited from her grandfather in high school, especially since experience tells me that that car is not to great in winter conditions. Nor does it have airbags. House might also want to be concerned about the fact that the PPTH parking garage, the existence of which has always been tenuous, has once again disappeared. But no, he's upset that his new parking spot -- reserved simply for "House, MD" -- is like ten feet further away from PPTH than his old one. He gets out of the car and steps into a snow bank and is most annoyed, since snowbanks apparently didn't exist in his old parking spot.

House's shoes squelch into PPTH, where they meet up with Foreman, who claims that their latest patient is sixteen years old and in respiratory arrest. House doesn't care, because he has a more important mystery to solve: who is J. Whitner and why does he have House's parking space? Cameron answers this question -- J. Whitner is a woman and a new researcher on staff. Cameron is also in the middle of drinking a huge thing of orange juice. Watch out, Cameron -- that's how you get tongue ulcers! Chase asks if J. Whitner is hot. She's a researcher, Chase. Come on now. But Cameron has a different reason for why J. Whitner can't be attractive: "She's in a wheelchair." "Doesn't mean she's not hot," Chase points out. Yeah, what the hell, Cameron? Looks like someone's going to be taking sensitivity training classes again, since she obviously used her last session to learn how to make people sensitive to her instead of how to make her sensitive to other people.

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House

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