House
Needle In A Haystack

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Scared Lovers Try Positions They Can't Handle

Foreman peers out from a corner to see Stevie's family hanging out in the lobby. Wilson strolls up to the desk, where House is stationed on guard duty. Wilson comments that even if House manages to make it through the week without being "struck down by a bolt of lightning," Cuddy won't pay up on the bet. J. Whitner is protected by the legal system, says Wilson, and "legal beats logic every time." Wilson, Season 2 is behind us now. Please don't remind us of Stacy. Much to Wilson's surprise, House agrees with him, but he has to go distract Stevie's approaching parents before he can say more. He does this by yelling, "No way Cuddy is going to GYP me!" It gets Stevie's parents' attention.

While Stevie's family members are off screaming at House for his anti-Roma ways, the Cottages do a colonscopy. Stevie starts bleeding again. Chase is about to stop the colonscopy when Foreman spots something: a pointy thing is poking its way into Stevie's large intestine.

Foreman tells the parents and Leah that Stevie swallowed a toothpick. Foreman figures that Stevie thought he'd just digest it, but when he was twisting his body around to get in a good car make-out position, he must have caused the toothpick to poke through the intestinal wall and into his lung, causing the initial respiratory distress. From there, the toothpick lived a nomadic life, traveling around Stevie's body and leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Foreman says that Stevie should be fine now that they've removed the toothpick and the holes it poked in his insides can heal. Stevie's dad, who took his omnipresent toothpick out of his mouth upon hearing the potential damage it could cause, turns to Leah and says that this was her fault after all, for making out with their son. Mom agrees, of course. Leah blames the "disgusting habit" Stevie picked up from his father. I blame Stevie for thinking that a pointy toothpick wouldn't cause any internal damage and wasn't worth mentioning. Maybe he should spend less time reading about science and more time reading about common sense. Dad looks to Foreman for support, since it's okay to talk to non-Romas when it's convenient, but Foreman totally left twenty minutes ago.

Foreman's in Stevie's room, showing him the toothpick. Foreman explains that because wood absorbs water and becomes the same density as the tissues around it, it didn't show up on any of their pathetic scans. "That's cool," says Stevie. Yes, it is cool. And ridiculous. Surely there has to be some scan a toothpick would show up on? Foreman says that PPTH's lab has a paid intern position that he'd be happy to help Stevie to get. Stevie sighs that he can't -- he likes working with his family and doesn't see how he can have both a job and family time. Then again, Stevie also thought he could swallow a toothpick and nothing bad would happen. Foreman says he knows change is hard, but that it's possible. Stevie says that Foreman is a "successful doctor" whose name is on journal articles (Foreman does not mention that those journal articles were kind of stolen from his co-workers), but he -- as well as Chase and Cameron -- have "empty ring fingers": "You're alone." Um, fuck you, Stevie. You're the one who insists on being with a non-Roma, so you obviously don't care about your family's traditions all that much. And just because the Cottages aren't married doesn't mean that they're alone. And empty ring fingers don't even mean that they aren't married, come to think of it. Cameron was, although we won't talk about that. A lot of people don't wear their wedding rings, especially when they work at a place that requires them to put rubber gloves on and take them off all day.

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