House
Needle In A Haystack

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Scared Lovers Try Positions They Can't Handle

The patient -- named "Stevie," though surely he's old enough to be just "Steve" at this point? -- continues to portray respiratory distress as looking like he's about to hurl. Foreman says that they can't reach Stevie's parents at either of the cell numbers Stevie gave them, and Stevie says that there's no other way to reach them, since they're at a conference. That's unfortunate, says Foreman, since they can't do anything to Stevie without his parents' consent. Blonde Girlfriend, named Leah, says that her parents can sign the consent forms. Well, they can sign them, but that's not going to do anything. Stupid Leah. Stevie says that he feels like there's an "anvil" sitting on his chest. I'm guessing that's left over from last week's episode. Stevie's monitors start beeping, and Foreman looks alarmed. He says that they're going to do the venogram, and hope Stevie's parents won't be too upset about it. Which means that they probably will.

While Foreman performs the venogram, Stevie notes that his fingers feel wet. I was expecting this to be followed quickly by blood spurting out of his fingers -- par for the course on this show -- but no, Foreman says that the dye they're using for the venogram has confused his nerves so that they can't tell the difference between the cold outside Stevie's body and the wetness inside his body. That's pretty confused. Stevie asks Foreman to clarify: does he mean that the nerves can't tell the difference, or that the brain can't interpret the difference? "A little of both," says Foreman. I would have added something about how I'm the doctor and Stevie might want to figure out how to get a decent haircut before he second-guessed what I say, but Foreman doesn't. Instead, he's impressed with the kid's knowledge, and even shows him his venogram on the monitor. Stevie and Foreman exchange more sophisticated science talk, and Foreman asks Stevie -- who says he's mostly taught himself this stuff -- where he goes to school. Stevie pauses before answering "public school," and then does some public schooling on Foreman's ass when he points out that, so far, there's no leak in his lungs on the venogram like there should be.

Foreman is spared from answering by a cut to Chase and Cameron snooping around Stevie's house. They note the filthiness of the place, which is littered with dirty laundry, a gross litter box, and rotten fruit in the kitchen table's fruit basket centerpiece. "This is putrid," states Cameron. Chase tells her to check for foodborne toxins and such while he checks out the bedroom. He swaggers into a bedroom only to find two people having sex in it. Well, well, well! It's about time the Cottages got caught breaking and entering. Chase looks away and apologizes as the woman hops off her partner and ridiculously threatens to shoot them with the gun shape she's making with her finger under her blanket. She does remain remarkably calm for someone who just got interrupted during sex by a complete stranger. I'd be screaming my head off and throwing things at him. Cameron walks upstairs and somehow doesn't hear any of the commotion until she's halfway into the bedroom, at which point she puts her hands up and gasps an "oh!" in a most cartoonish manner. The guy finally speaks up and tells Chase and Cameron to help themselves to his wallet while he calls the cops, and I guess he and the woman don't need to use protection since he has no balls and therefore there's no chance of her getting pregnant. For whatever reason, Chase has decided not to get the hell out of there, but instead goes on the offensive, accusing the couple of having an affair. He points out that the man is wearing a ring and the woman isn't. Asshole! If you're going to cheat, the least you could do is take the ring off. Chase gets in a final dig by saying that, judging by the condition of the house, the woman must be a better lover than she is a maid. At this, the woman takes great offense, while Cameron either shakes her head or falls asleep. "You son of a bitch!" the woman says. "This is my house, not his." "Uh...sorry," Chase says, looking quite sheepish. "What's wrong with my kitchen?!" she demands, like, come on, lady. I mean, I don't keep the tidiest of kitchens either, but I don't deny it. If you think that kitchen is clean, then you have some kind of problem in addition to your slatternly ways. Cameron tries to make nice, saying they're there to help Stevie. The woman has no clue who Stevie is. "Your son?" says Cameron. The man looks up, all, "Oh shit! She has a son? I'm so screwed." "Huh?" the woman asks.

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