House is back! House is back! House is baaaack! Yay! PPTH's nurses are on strike and waving around some very familiar-looking signs when one nurse's husband collapses. He and his wife are forced to cross the picket line, where House finds the man and decides that his constant niceness is a symptom that must be treated. The man tests positive for syphilis, but the treatment only seems to make him worse, as his liver fails and he has a heart attack. Meanwhile, Kumar decides that if niceness is a symptom, so then must be meanness, and he finds a vial of House's blood lying around the lab and tests it. It also comes out positive for syphilis, and Kumar practices his own special brand of doctor-patient confidentiality by telling everyone about it, including Chase and Cameron. Of course, House doesn't actually have syphilis -- he just planted the vial there to see if the kids would test it. He enjoys pretending to take his syphilis medication and getting nicer at the apparent expense of his diagnostic skills, so much so that he can't help but brag about his little scheme to Wilson. Wilson, of course, runs straight to girlfriend Amber and tells her, and she, in turn, tells the New Cottages. So now not only does House know he cannot trust Wilson, but he also doesn't get the chance to figure out what's really wrong with his patient, as Kumar realizes that he doesn't have syphilis after all, but a parasite that gives syphilis tests a false positive. Also, House and CTB attempt to share custody of Wilson with Cuddy acting as the family court judge. It goes about as well as Chase's attempts to find out if Cameron slept with House.
I love this show and I'm so happy it's back! Yay! In typical House meta style, we open on a nurses strike outside PPTH. The nurses are holding strike signs that look really familiar, and it's good to see that instead of throwing all those writers strike signs away and creating more garbage for our nation's landfills, they're just recycling them into show props! I really hope that we don't have an entire show dedicated to thinly-veiled references to the writers strike, although I'd understand if we did. I just want to forget all about now and be happy my show is back. Until the SAG strike takes it away again. "I never thought walking in a circle at two miles an hour would be draining," one nurse complains as she marches arm-and-arm with her non-nurse husband. Okay, I just have to say that walking two miles an hour for four hours a day, four days a week is NOT draining. Mentally draining, maybe, although I'm sure sitting in the writers room for twelve hours a day is equally so. But physically? No. Not even a little bit. And if you think it is, try working construction for one day. Not four hours -- an actual, real working day. That's draining. Husband Jeff says it's not so bad, as Deb's getting fresh air and exercise. And the fact that I just gave them names means they'll be our POTW family. Deb tells him to look on the negative side -- their income just got cut in half. Yeah, well, so did that of the people who recap what the nurses do all day at www.nursingwithoutpity.com. Although I haven't read much of that site since it got bought by Kaiser Permanente. It's just not the same! Jeff says they get to spend twice as much time together, but that's not necessarily a positive, from what I've seen of him thus far.
A package delivery guy arrives with some boxes and a chip on his shoulder. The picket line gathers in front of him and say they have a legal right to hold him up for fifteen seconds. Doesn't seem like such a big deal, although one hopes the guy isn't delivering, like, a heart or something time-sensitive that could save a life. Regardless, the delivery man isn't having it, so he rams the boxes into Deb's shin, which is kind of silly. First of all, the guy should be happy to have a fifteen second break in his work day. Second of all, you'd think he'd support his fellow blue-collar brethren. Speaking of support, Jeff doesn't offer a whole lot as he does not punch the guy in the face for attacking his wife, but rather tells him to "relax" and then hugs the guy when he gets even angrier and more confrontational. The delivery guy pushes him away, and Jeff cheerfully reports that the fifteen seconds are up as his eyes go all vertical nystagmus-y and he collapses, presenting the nurses with a moral dilemma. They don't want to break their own picket line and scab by doing their nursing jobs, but the guy has collapsed right in front of them. And what will Deb do? She'll have to ambulance her husband all the way to St. Sebastian's for medical treatment so as not to cross the picket line, right? Right?