House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
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Three Strikes

House needs someone to share in his victory, so he pulls Wilson aside and makes him swear to secrecy. Wilson does, and House tells him that his team totally thinks he has syphilis. "Do you?" Wilson asks. "Not yet!" House claims. No, he just apparently left a blood sample tainted with syphilis lying around the lab in the hopes that one of the Cottages would test it so that he could pretend to take penicillin and make them all think he was getting nicer as he got better. "That's brilliant," Wilson says. It ... is? Really? I mean, I saw it coming that House didn't have syphilis, especially since we've seen him fake medical conditions before, but I don't understand how or even why he could have set this up. The only person suffering here is Jeff since House is pretending to suck at diagnosing. That's not good. With that, House invites Wilson out for bowling. Even though it's work hours and there's a staff shortage, Wilson goes for his bowling shoes. But first, he feels compelled to give House the Sex Talk. House shoots him down, saying he will continue "screwing ... " and they don't say what it is, but it's probably hookers. Or maybe House makes it with a big jar of syphilis. "We are who we are," House says. Unless you're nice, in which case you're sick.

Kumar and Taub test Jeff for Biana's heart diagnosis (I guess she doesn't have to help since she thought of it?) and wonder what to do about their boss, whose skills they're assuming are failing based on one differential diagnosis session. Kumar says he killed House's gift and he feels awful about it. Good thing CTB is there to freely walk around patient rooms and tell them that House doesn't have syphilis after all. Yes, Wilson betrayed House's trust and told her everything, and now she's telling the Cottages because she hates House. She takes off, and Taub says they're idiots, which is true. "We're not idiots. Positive blood test means positive blood test," Kumar says, still not getting it. "Apparently not," Taub says, which gives Kumar an idea. It's such a good one that he walks right out during the ultrasound.

After the break, Kumar finds House in the hall and they have the following exchange:
Kumar: Patient tested positive for syphilis, right?
House: Is this some sort of recap?

Is that some sort of shout out? I think it is! You know, I've been writing for this site for seven years and this is my first shout out! If it isn't a shout-out, don't tell me, okay? Don't kill my honor of getting a shout-out in an episode all about syphilis.

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House

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