House

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Sara M: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
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Three Strikes

House is at Wilson and CTB's apartment with a proposal for CTB: "joint custody." This is ludicrous, and yet, House and CTB argue the terms while Wilson sits at the kitchen table and reads, perfectly happy to watch people fight over him. CTB orders Wilson to deal with this, but Wilson says he doesn't know how to deal with House when he's being reasonable. "You're not a child. You can make your own plans," CTB says. Wilson is just happy that House isn't swapping CTB's lubricant for superglue. Way to reveal to House that you guys need lube, Wilson. You know he's going to shout that factoid to everyone in the Clinic sooner or later. House demands every other weekday and every other weekend. CTB will only agree to every other weekend and Wednesdays, and Wilson must be home by eleven. House wants Mondays, too, with a midnight curfew. CTB nixes that, saying they won't be asleep until two. For people who need lube, they sure are horny. House orders Wilson to settle this, to which Wilson chuckles and declines. For you see, only people with backbones may make rulings, and Wilson clearly is lacking one. "You two are like dogs circling each other in the park -- and I say that with all the love in the world," Wilson says, as CTB looks appalled. What a charmer she has for a boyfriend! Wilson continues that they need to work this out for themselves or else it'll never happen. It may not ever happen if they're left up to their own devices, as CTB orders House to take her deal or leave. House threatens to stay until she takes his deal. One of these propositions will get the police called, House, so you don't have much of a leg to stand on. As usual.

Foreman and Kumar explore Jeff's house and find that his niceness just continues as pictures of Jeff working with Habitat for Humanity in Costa Rica and coaching handicapped kids adorn the walls. Oh, please. I have framed pictures of me volunteering for Habitat for Humanity and team pictures of the handicapped baseball team I coach all over my house; it doesn't mean they're real. I just had a friend Photoshop my face on them because I wanted to impress guests. Foreman says Jeff seems "too perfect." Kumar disagrees, saying that Jeff is merely trying to be perfect. "That's what people do," he says; they try to be nice and good. Except for House, who is the exception to the rule. Foreman tires of this conversation and finds some hydrofluoric acid in a cabinet. Exposure to that could cause fainting and lemon meringue pie mouth, if not the incredible kindness.

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House

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