House

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Sara M: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
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Three Strikes

House and the New Cottages report to Jeff's room, where House informs Jeff that his kindness, if genuine, is throwing off the theory of human evolution. Then he tells Jeff his wife is "very ugly." "Get out of here!" Deb says. Deb has been on strike for a looong time if she's forgotten what House is like. For even if she's never worked near him and only worked at PPTH for a short time before the strike, there's no way House isn't a legend around there and she wouldn't know what to expect from him and that she'll have to take it in order to save her husband. Of course, Jeff tells her to calm down and wait for House to prove whatever point he's obviously trying to make. House says he just did -- Jeff is either perfect or sick. Huh? I don't think it's that perfect for a husband to lie around and let someone insult his wife. Or attack her, like the UPS guy did. I'm not saying Jeff should be slugging everyone who looks at Deb the wrong way, but you'd think he'd defend her a little bit, you know? Even in a nice way. House says Jeff cannot possibly be perfect, so therefore he must be sick. And there's even a name for his illness: Williams syndrome. I'm not sure why he had to insult Deb to say all this. House continues that Williams syndrome means Jeff is missing a gene that gives him suspicious feelings. And not being suspicious apparently means you're nice. And there's no cure, so Jeff will be nice forever. Taub pisses on House's diagnosis parade by pointing out that Williams has other symptoms that Jeff doesn't share, such as low IQ and an elfin appearance. House points out that Jeff is a carpet cleaner, a professional that doesn't necessarily require brains, and he does sort of look elfin, maybe. What about perfect pitch? Kumar asks. Okay, hold the freaking phone here. There's a disease that gives you perfect pitch? No way. No way! But I have looked it up on wikipedia and, while it doesn't appear to be something that everyone with Williams syndrome has, they do have a much higher prevalence of it than the rest of the population. I find it kind of incredible that a gene can be responsible for both suspiciousness and musical ability like that. By the way, Williams syndrome is also called "cocktail-party syndrome" because its victims are so darned outgoing and friendly, and if it wasn't for the lower IQ/mental retardation thing would be a sweet genetic disease to have. I'm already popular and have perfect pitch, so I know what an awesome life it is.

Anyway, Jeff and his wife are quick to say that Jeff sucks at music, and House is reluctant to believe this diagnosis-destroying fact until Jeff sings a song from the Bread oeuvre. He serenades his wife while she looks around the room with a "see? Told you he sucked" look on her face. And he does, but how many people are at their musical best in a hospital bed? Everyone's glad when the music stops until they realize Jeff stopped singing because he's having a stroke, which is something Deb the Nurse should have recognized immediately but didn't. I guess her nursing skills are rusty because of the strike.

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House

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