The Cottages come in with some news, and Shooter tells them that he knows House is only pretending to be asleep, because House's nostrils always flare when he's sleeping. Creepy. Cameron and Foreman tell House that the biopsy was negative and they're still clueless as to what's causing Harpo's problems.
Chase gets to take Harpo on a post-op walk around his room. Harpo heads into the bathroom to relieve himself. His one existing eye almost bulges out of his skull like its former neighbor when looks down at his deal and screams that "it's getting bigger!" "You're...getting aroused?" Chase asks, not sure whether his patient is coming on to him or having another medical emergency. "No! Not that way!" Harpo screams back. At least, I think that's what he said. Guy does have a mouth full of tongue so it's difficult to understand. Chase decides that taking a look at this won't make him seem gay and rushes in to check it out. He kneels down just in time to get a face full of scrotum as Harpo's BALL FUCKING EXPLODES. OH MY GOD.
I'll have to recap the rest of this episode especially carefully now, since I'm assuming that we lost the entire male audience after that scene. House is back in the physical therapy room, this time with all the Cottages. Chase gets to use the exercise bike instead of House, because House explains that he bet his therapist that he could do a certain amount of clicks on it by Friday and doesn't want to lose. So he's cheating. He wonders whether blood from the kidneys could have caused Harpo's exploding ball. Cameron doubts it, since the kidneys and the scrotum aren't connected to each other. House says that they're dealing with a case that doesn't seem to follow any rules, so it might be worth it to start thinking of things that don't make any sense. "Maybe he's not human!" Chase suggests. Man, this stuff never happened to Mork from Ork, I'll tell you that. Foreman doesn't Believe, so he suggests testicular cancer, and House gets a disturbed look on his face while the Cottages argue with each other.
House goes to Wilson. Actually they both go -- to the bathroom. They discuss the possibility of Harpo having testicular cancer as they pee silently, since while this show can having exploding testicles and eyeballs popping out of sockets, God forbid we should hear the sounds of tinkling. We must protect that innocence of our children, who have never heard someone peeing before and therefore would be scarred to hear it on their televisions. House is upset that he missed the testicular cancer diagnosis in the first place. He thinks that it's because Cuddy's little experiment has impaired his mental abilities. Wilson doesn't agree with House's anger towards Cuddy, and says that House just doesn't want a healthy leg, because that wouldn't give him any excuses to hate life. He cites an example of patients who get a false positive on HIV tests and live with that for months or years. When they find out that they're actually negative, they're not as happy as you might think, because being HIV positive has become part of their identity and now it's gone. Hopefully, they didn't also go around doing drugs and sleeping with Australians in the meantime. "I don't define myself by my leg," House grumps. No, Wilson says, House went even further than that -- he could only deal with his disability by making it mean nothing, which meant that everything physical also had to mean nothing. Therefore, mental stuff, everything that's "coldly, calculatingly intellectual" has to mean everything. I'm much happier with Wilson psychoanalyzing House than Shooter McGavin doing it, by the way. House interprets everything Wilson says as being against House and for Cuddy. Wilson agrees with what Cuddy did because he knew that she was going to do it. So that makes three of House's closest friends/lovers/whatever who have screwed with his body while he was in a coma. No wonder he hates people so much.