The standard warning graphic reads, "Due to some graphic content, viewer discretion is advised." This time, it ain't dicking around.
Case in point (although there will be much worse cases with much worse points later on): we open on a close-up of a man's incredibly swollen tongue. House tells the Cottages that their new patient has a high fever, but he only cares about the case because he finds speaking to "Harpo" (so named because he resembles Harpo Marx, the curly-haired Marx brother who never spoke. Like Teller from Penn and Teller, except original) to be a hilarious and fun experience, because the man has difficulty speaking. House demonstrates this for everyone, and then we cut to him asking the patient what his favorite dessert topping is, saying that even the most seemingly insignificant detail can be the thing that saves his life. True; I can think of a few times when Oreo crumbles have saved mine. I am surprised to see that the man playing Harpo is Chris Tallman -- incredibly talented improv performer, very generous cocktail waitress tipper, and all-around nice guy. He's also good at talking, although you'll have to take my word for that one. Anyway, Foreman doesn't want to bother with a case that is purely for House's amusement and starts packing up to leave. Although...where is he going? Does he have his own office? Is he only called into work when there's a case and gets to hang out at home when there isn't one? In this case, Foreman says that he's going to the movies. A word of advice, Foreman: don't see RV.
It turns out that there's no need to go anywhere for action-packed drama, as a man walks into the room and asks for Dr. House. House immediately points to Cameron, the "skinny brunette," but the guy already knows her, as he was a patient of House's. This also explains why he doesn't know House. Now that he does, though, he whips out a gun and shoots House in the gut. House goes flying backwards into the Whiteboard, which, for the first time, has nothing to offer him in return, and then to the floor. The only sound is Cameron gasping and clutching at where her pearls should be. Foreman and Chase make moves towards House, but the shooter yells at them to stay back. Which they do, because, despite Foreman's recent brain damage and House's frequent allegations that Chase is an idiot, they aren't stupid. The shooter turns back to House: "Shocking, isn't it? Who'd want to hurt you?" And with that, he raises the gun and shoots in the direction of House's face. Credits!
When we return, House's face is looking remarkably intact, meaning that the shooter spent more time on his little pre-shooting quips than on actual target practice. His admission bracelet gives him the same date of birth as Hugh Laurie and violates continuity. It also says that his doctor is Cuddy, which makes me happy, even though I know she's not a very good doctor. House wakes up to find a two-day beard growth on his face that looks the same as his regular two-day beard growth and Cameron reading by his bedside. "You're pathetic," he informs her. The "oily buildup" in Cameron's hair, House says, indicates that she's been sitting by him since his admission. "Pardon me for caring," Cameron says. "Did I lose any organs?" House asks. I don't think I can take any more of their flirty talk. No, Cameron says; the bullet hit a couple things, but didn't destroy anything. He was also hit in the neck, but that one just went through it, severing the jugular. Fortunately, House was in a hospital when this happened, which is probably the only way he could survive all the blood loss. Cameron starts talking about the shooter, but House immediately says that he doesn't care about him or why he shot him: "I assume his reasoning was faulty." And while no one deserves to get shot, House might be one of the more convincing cases for such treatment, so I'm not too sure about that. Anyway, House wants to get back to work and asks Cameron what happened to the tongue guy.