House
No Reason

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Ballbuster

After the commercial, House's ability to eat his amazing ICU breakfast of pancakes is impeded by the fact that his arm is handcuffed to the bed, as Cuddy promised she would do to him if he wasn't caring. That was back during when they were having the hot sex, though, so I could see how House got a fun suggestion confused with a real threat. Anyway, he's stuck in ICU with Shooter, who takes advantage of the time to tell House how, exactly, his wife killed herself: she sat in the closed garage and ran the car. "You shoot the guy who sold her the garage door opener?" House asks. Hee hee. "You're an ass," he adds. Shooter says that he was ignoring the rules to do what he thought was right, just like House always does. Oooh, learn a lesson, House! Come on, now. Shut up, Shooter. Shooter tells House that he knows it's his fault that his wife is dead: "But why can't you admit that it's maybe just a little bit yours, too?" I'm guessing that's because IT ISN'T. I'll blame the wife's emotional instability that made her kill herself over that before I'd blame House. I'd even blame whoever Shooter cheated on her with before I'd blame House. "Here's how life works," House responds (oooh, this should be good), "you either get to ask for an apology, or you get to shoot people. Not both." Awesome.

In yet another layer of surreality for me in this episode, the Taco stand that House and Cottages are now outside of is a place I pass by pretty much every day on my way to work. Cactus Mexican Food is on Vine St. north of Melrose. I've never eaten there, though, because I don't like cacti. House is eating there, much to the annoyance of his employees, who want him to get back to PPTH before his stitches pop out again. I'd like to know how they managed to uncuff him from the bed. And how did he get served at that place wearing just a hospital robe? Surely they've got some sort of "no shirt, no shoes, no hospital robe, no service" rule there. Anyway, House wants to diagnose Harpo while he munches on his fish taco (ewww), but no one else is in the mood for this. So House just imitates them instead. His theory is that Harpo had a weakness in his ocular vein that caused the pressure. HouseChase, who sounds like my dad trying to impersonate the Crocodile Hunter, says "no way, mate! There's too much blood to just be a vein." HouseForeman, using special BlackSpeak for added authenticity and who also sounds like my dad trying to imitate someone, although this time it's Any Famous Rapper: "no way, Hizzy! If it was an artery, he'd still be bleeding!" And then, HouseCameron, who sounds like my dad trying to imitate my mother on the phone when I call them and she can't answer it because she's watching American Idol and refuses to buy a Tivo: "actually, he'd be dead." House makes this great Cameron-style sad face when he says it, too, because that whole thing was awesome. Meanwhile, House is sitting on the hood of a blue lowrider. House apologizes for getting some taco debris on Cameron's ride, which she says she likes to go rolling around in on the weekends, flashing her chrome spinners while she hits the switch on her hydros for the three wheel motion.

House continues his trash analogy and tells the Cottages to check the brain's "trash," by which Foreman figures out he means the blood-brain barrier. Again, House is kind of surprised that Foreman knows what he's alluding to so quickly. He orders them to biopsy the barrier. Foreman also thinks that they should treat Harpo for worms, infections, and STDs, just in case that's what he's got. House scoffs at the last suggestion, saying he doubts that Harpo is cheating on his gorgeous wife and that he doesn't think she cheated on him either. The Cottages look surprised -- not because their boss has, for what must be the first time, taken a patient's family member at her word, but because Harpo is a widower. HIS WIFE IS DEAD! And then House looks down at the car and sees a bloody hook dangling from the door handle! And the call is COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! And then Cameron removes the green ribbon around her neck and her head FALLS OFF!

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House

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