House

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Sara M: B+ | 1934 USERS: B-
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Meanwhile, Apple's not doing well. "It's finally accelerating," Hadley says, as if she's pissed at the mystery disease for taking its sweet time. Apple is having trouble breathing and her heart is racing. But her colon is free of leaks, so there's something. Taub wonders if they should revisit the autoimmune diagnosis. House does not want to do that. He says four out of the five dead transplantees died suddenly and without warning. Frank and Apple, on the other hand, experienced a much slower progression. But it won't be that slow, so they can't waste time on old diagnoses. "Nothing fits!" Kumar says. I'll give him a pass for whining since he at least brought the (completely insane) intestinal diagnosis to the table. And got dead man shit all over Foreman. House institutes a new rule: no one can talk unless he has a new diagnosis. The conference room is silent. House gets up and tells the Cottages to look for markers in Apple's spinal fluid and sequence her genes while he starts treating her for the cancer he's not sure she has. Hadley points out that chemo is toxic and not such a good idea for someone who doesn't have cancer. Um, Hadley? I think House knows that chemo is toxic. He says he'd rather treat her for something she doesn't have than do nothing. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure each cancer has a specific type of treatment so it won't do any good if you don't know which type of cancer you're dealing with.

Upon entering Apple's room, House is greatly annoyed to find her chart missing. So he rings the emergency button. A nurse comes running and is pissed off when House tells her he used the emergency button because he needed someone to fetch him a chart. Meanwhile, PPTH is a pretty damn good hospital if its nurses actually come -- and quickly! -- when a patient presses the emergency button. In House's defense, the chart is not at the end of Apple's bed where it's supposed to be and his leg hurts when he has to limp around looking for it. On the other hand, when the nurse does give him the chart, he asks her to bring him some peppermint tea. Cute, but I can't help but think how much better that scene would have been if it was Evil Nurse Brenda House bossed around. She would have taken that chart and shoved it up House's ass and then thrown scalding hot peppermint tea on his crotch. Whatever happened to her? I miss her so.

House

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