House

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And finally -- FINALLY! -- we get to see Cuddy. House barges into her office and says "cancer but not cancer." He whips out an MRI of Apple's brain and says Apple's eyes suck, but her occipital lobe looks normal. It shouldn't. Which means there's "something" in there that shouldn't be. "Brain but not brain!" House says. "Why are you in my office?" Cuddy asks. Heh. Well, it's simple: House needs to chop off the top of Apple's head, for which he will need Cuddy's approval. Cuddy would rather continue the chemo, since that seems to be working and it doesn't involve digging into the patient's brain. Incidentally, Cuddy has some questionable bills she'd like to ask House about, like why the coffee machine repairman is charging $2300. House doesn't answer, but says there's such a thing as "cancer stem cells," which is a terrifying thought. As we see the triumphant return of the Magic Schoolbus Cam, House says the donor had cancer stem cells and gave them to the transplantees, in whose bodies the cells floated around for a while before landing on an organ and "partially" differentiating. This caused the tuba player to get some "lung but not lung," the tennis player (who is looking rough these days. Also, you can show boobs on TV as long as they belong to a decomposing corpse. Good to know. Not really) got "heart, but not heart." They looked like normal tissue but couldn't perform like real tissue. So when they were really needed -- like the heart when playing a rough game of tennis or the tuba player while playing a rough game of tuba -- they blew out. The chemo worked because it shrunk the bad cells. The autopsies didn't catch the non-working organ cells because they cleverly disguised themselves (although you'd think someone would have looked at a few slides and seen that something wasn't right). "You have no proof," Cuddy says. House says the normal brain scan is all the proof he needs. Cuddy asks House if he wants to remove Apple's head to treat her or to prove he's right. Good point, Cuddy. But House says that the chemo won't actually kill the cancer stem cells, and eventually, Apple will crash. If they wait that long, it could be too late.

Cuddy's read the script, so she asks House if his plan if she says no is to turn around and do something that will make the patient crash in order to get what he wants. "I would never do that!" House says, even though it's written all over his face that he was planning on doing just that. "No, you won't," Cuddy smiles. Except that we all know that Apple's head is getting cut open because a) it'll give Chase something to do, and b) we all saw Apple with a bandaged-up head in the promos.

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House

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