House

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Taub drew the short straw, so he gets to try to convince the wife to sign the consent forms. She's understandably reluctant to do so, but Taub explains that if they can find out what's wrong with Frank in the biopsy, they could save his life. The wife points out that the biopsy could kill him anyway. The camera needs to settle down a little. This isn't a documentary and doesn't need to be shot like one. Apple sits up and begs the wife to sign, which is so unfair of her, especially when she tries to pull the husband and kid card. Awesomely, the wife totally sees through Apple's bullshit and points out that she hasn't had one visitor since she's been here or even a phone call, so there's no way she has a loving husband or a child back home. Not even a phone call though? Damn. Why is Princeton filled with people who have no friends or family? Almost every patient is alone in the world. Too bad Cameron doesn't get any camera time anymore or she could bond with Apple because it's not fair that people die alone. Taub admits that Apple doesn't have a daughter. The wife says Apple's life isn't more important than Frank's. Apple suddenly turns a bit nasty and says she lied to save her life, and the wife is "robbing" Apple of her only chance to live so that her husband can have a few more days of gasping for breath before he dies, too. For some reason, the wife doesn't appreciate this. Frank is sick of listening to two woman fight and dies.

Taub reports back to House that he didn't get the consent. House's Plan B is to send Foreman in to get it, banking on old people being scared of black people. I normally don't like House's racist jokes but that was pretty funny. Not always true, though: my grandpa went through a phase were he wore a dashiki and grew out a Jewfro. He walked around Hartford like that and didn't get shot, but that was in the 70s. Taub says there's no consent to get anymore: Frank is dead. Delighted, House says they can now study his brain without a consent. Hooray!

After the break, Taub studies pieces of Frank's brain. Somehow, his training in plastic surgery qualifies him to do this. I have my doubts, since all we see him do is eyeball a chunk of brain and twirl it around some tongs. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to at least look at it under a microscope. House enters and Taub tells him that Frank's brain was clean. House says they'll have to move on. "To where?" whines Hadley. Apparently, she's ready to give up. Taub and Kumar wonder if the donor had more than one thing wrong with him, and the transplantees managed to each catch a different one of his illnesses, all of which made it past the donor screening process. Although, come to think of it, it is run by the Evil Transplant Committee so they may well have given the patients infected organs just to teach them a lesson about asking for organs. House is sticking with his cancer diagnosis, saying that it's the only possible diagnosis that doesn't specialize and would therefore explain why all these different organs were affected. The Cottages aren't buying it. Foreman accuses House of wanting it to be cancer so he has an excuse to talk to Wilson. Since there are no other oncologists in PPTH. Sure. House fires back that Foreman doesn't get to call him an ass unless he's got a non-cancer diagnosis to offer. Foreman doesn't, but Kumar's got one: a perforated intestine that caused the intestinal bacteria to enter the blood stream. House has to admit that that's a possibility and that he is an ass. He tells the Cottages to give Apple a colonscopy if and when she has stomach pain. Wait, what? I thought Kumar saying that the donor had the perforation and the bacteria entered his bloodstream and therefore the transplantees. Although that wouldn't explain why Apple got it from her bloodless cornea transplant. But that's still better than what Kumar was actually saying, which is that either all six patients happened to have the same anatomical anomaly, or that receiving one of the donor's organs somehow caused them to develop that anomaly. And now House wants to find someone with the same DNA as the donor to colonoscopy to see if he has that anomaly, too? Does getting a transplant somehow change your DNA and give you someone else's hereditary conditions? This makes no sense, so I'm just going to pretend it does since that's more fun for everyone than me complaining for two more pages. Speaking of fun for everyone, House wants to bring the donor's four-year-old (who they're only guessing is his, by the way) in for a colonoscopy. After all, she was complaining of a tummy ache. Hadley says the theory is too much of a longshot to scare the hell out of the little girl's mother and expose the kid to a freaking colonoscopy. Well, I'm sure House will see your point and agree with you, Hadley. Oh wait -- he just says Hadley can get the mom to agree to the colonoscopy by threatening to tell her husband who his daughter's real father is. They should offer to throw in a free paternity test so the mother can know for sure.

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House

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