We pick up right where we left off last season, which was kind of surprising to me because I just assumed we'd jump in, like, a week or three months later, with Hadley already gone and House and Cuddy's relationship having been consummated and semi-established and left to our imaginations. But no, we instead get to spend this entire episode watching it, kind of like when House went to a mental hospital last season and we had to watch that for two hours. And it was all very out-of-character and deviated from the show's formula in a way that left a bad taste in my mouth. Although a lot of people liked it as much as I didn't, so ... enjoy!
House is still slightly injured from having a building fall on him, so Cuddy's first act as his girlfriend is to check on his shoulder wound. "It's gonna get infected," she whispers. Sexy! She grabs some wound care items as House just stands there, stunned by the turn his life has taken as well as, possibly, how it's suddenly daylight outside. Apparently in the one minute that passed between last season and now, the sun came up. Cuddy takes off House's shirt and cleans his wound and then his still-dirty face with a washcloth. Excellent -- a warm washcloth dabbed a few times on a gaping wound full of, like, concrete dust, asbestos, and bacteria is definitely the best way to treat and prevent further infection. If you're a doctor in the 1800s. Or a doctor who kind of sucks at doctoring, like Cuddy. Then she starts taking off his pants, to which he puts up slight resistance. She feels up his leg scar. "Don't. Don't," he says; "isn't this the show where we have sons die from radiation poisoning accidentally caused by a gift from their fathers? Where parents lose their newborn babies due to a sickness spread by a stuffed animal given out by an ill hospital volunteer? Where people barf shit? What's with the weird cheesy sentimental stuff?" "It's okay," Cuddy says; "I love you." She kisses it. So that's how this episode is going to be. They make out and House carries her into bed and a sex montage. The next morning, he asks: "so ... now what?"
Well, first, it's time for some new opening credits, now with Peter Jacobson and Olivia Wilde and no Jennifer Morrison. And it only took them four seasons to properly update. I'm dating back to when Cameron died her hair back to blonde but was still wandering through the opening credits as a brunette, and then, of course, how Taub and Hadley have been permanent regular characters for the past two seasons.
Cuddy says she doesn't want to talk about their relationship when "everything's good." As for what to do in the near future, Cuddy has to go home and get ready for work. And, uh, see her daughter. Also, Lucas was living with Cuddy and their daughter and she just dumped him, like, last night. So there might be things to work out there. Like, surely he still has to move his stuff out, at least? Or might have reacted to having his heart broken by burning the place down? She should probably check in, is what I'm saying. Also, Cuddy's phone is ringing. It's Cuddy's new assistant, and she temporarily goes insane and allows House to answer it for her. He claims he's Cuddy's nanny, and that Cuddy is ill with some kind of stomach problem and so won't be able to come in today. Assistant says Dr. Richardson has the same stomach bug, since he just threw up all over the OR. House recommends that the assistant send the doctor home, have the ER sterilized, and "use your own brain." Problem solved, I'm sure. Cuddy orders House to take a bath. No more washcloth rubdowns? The romance is gone.