"If we don't have a neurosurgeon, all the puppies in the world will choke to death on all the babies," House says. He's being sarcastic, but in the case of Cuddy's baby, that's probably true. No doubt she's wandered off into the woods by now and is currently being either eaten or raised by wolves. He orders Chase to be PPTH's neurosurgeon for the next day or so. "I'm not a neurosurgeon," Chase says. Oh really? Because I'm pretty sure we've seen him perform neurosurgery before, back in seasons four and five when the writers didn't know what the hell to do with him so they just made him the Chief of Every Kind Of Surgery. Meanwhile, House's magic bath consists of whatever he can find in his bathroom cabinet, mainly Old Spice and Listerine. House tells Chase he won't actually have to do any neurosurgery -- they'll just divert any brain or spine traumas to a different, much better hospital. "It's an administrative problem, not a medical one," House says. Well, yeah, until someone at PPTH desperately needs emergency neurosurgery. Then you're all screwed. Actually, I'm wondering how things are going for whoever Dr. Richardson was operating on when he got sick in the first place. Surely, they need someone to go in there and clean out the puke chunks Richardson left in his cranial cavity. Chase doesn't agree to any of this, but that's enough for House to assume he'll take care of it and hang up on him.
Episode Report CardSara M: C | 2186 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
House says they are "more important" than anything that could be happening at PPTH, so he thinks they should turn off their phones. Cuddy agrees to this because she's a terrible mother. She leaves the bathroom to turn off the phone/dispose of the pills, but it's not enough for House, who accuses her of being "distracted" when she returns. Cuddy apologizes, saying there is a lot going on at PPTH right now: the Clinic's funding is possibly being reduced by the state (no big loss. Let's face it: the Clinic sucks. Go to the infinitely better St. Sebastian's), Nurse Jeffrey, who will never be Nurse Brenda, is filing his 12th HR complaint (ha ha ha, Nurse Jeffrey thinks PPTH has an HR department. Idiot), and Dr. Richardson is a little miffed about essentially being kept prisoner at PPTH for the last week. Hmm. Cuddy's real problem, from what I can tell, is that she isn't very good at running a hospital. PPTH is a disaster. The mention of Richardson gets House's interest, and Cuddy explains that he's the only neurosurgeon PPTH has right now, and so he must stay on the premises at all times or PPTH will not be allowed to function as a Level 1 Trauma Center, thus shutting down the ER and ICU. House cuts her off with a shoulder massage and a promise of a "magical bath" with "transformative powers." He also quotes a Lucky Charms commercial, which is awesome. He says he must work in privacy on this bath, kicking Cuddy out of the bathroom. She totally falls for it. House calls Chase.