House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 935 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Simplest Explanation...

I love this theme song. But why is Jennifer Morrison (a.k.a. Cameron) the only cast member who doesn't get a medical image with her name? Even the opening credits editors don't respect Cameron's medical abilities.

When we return, Girlfriend (a.k.a. Mindy, best known to Days of Our Lives fans as the recently departed Cassie) holds Brandon's hand as he struggles to breathe in the ER. His skin is all rashy and sweaty.

Wilson tells House about this cool new case he found down in the ER. House fakes like he's not going to take the case, but then agrees to check it out, because he's intrigued by the fact that Brandon's BP isn't responding to IV fluids and also if he didn't, we wouldn't have a show. As House steps into the elevator (drink!), he says that Brandon's BP issues are "weird." Also weird is the small old lady standing just behind him who insists on looking up at the ceiling the entire time.

Brandon's symptoms are written on the whiteboard. They're the same as the ones he told his boss about to get out of work, so either he actually wasn't lying, or karma just gave him a big kick in the ass. House explains that the lab tests haven't given them any information about Brandon's problems, and asks the Cottages for suggestions on what is wrong with "her." Cameron --who is once again on whiteboard writing duty (she was totally the kid in your class who volunteered for secretary duties during group projects while the rest of the group silently thanked God they didn't get stuck doing it) -- gently reminds House that Brandon is a boy. House says it doesn't matter unless his problem is testicular in nature. I think House set that whole thing up just to say "testicular" to Cameron. Not like he really needs an elaborate set-up to be able to say things like that in this Mysteriously Free of Sexual Harassment Policy Enforcement Work Environment.

Chase and Foreman make a few suggestions as to what ails Brandon (one of them being -- say it with me now -- vasculitis) but none of the Cottages can think of one condition that fits all of Brandon's symptoms. House says that's great, because it means Brandon doesn't have anything wrong with him and can be discharged from the hospital right away. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today -- that side being the one without the giant bottle of Vicodin on the nightstand. House says that their most pressing issue right now is to get Brandon's BP under control before it kills him. He prescribes a crapload of antibiotics to treat Brandon for sepsis just in case that's what he has. Which, of course, it isn't, and I'd like to thank House for being part of the reason why the dreaded Superbug will soon kill us all. House and those anti-bacterial hand soaps.

House

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