House
Occam's Razor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 14 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Simplest Explanation...

We open on what I'm assuming are the ivy-covered walls of Princeton. A student, Brandon, calls in sick to work, really overdoing it with a long list of seemingly unrelated symptoms like a "slight" fever, cough, and stomach ache. But his boss buys it, and Brandon gets a day off work. He triumphantly returns to bed, and we see he has some company there; a self-described "horny girl." I don't know why she had to tell us that when it's so obvious, what with the granny panties and oversize t-shirt she's sporting. She jumps on top of Brandon and starts kissing him. Hey, buddy: if you're too sick to work, then you're too sick to have sex, aren't you? He does protest that he wasn't lying about the cough and doesn't think they should kiss in case he gives it to her. Girlfriend says she has "no interest" in kissing. I just realized why Brandon is so familiar to me: he was that adorable little boy Air Bud! You know, the movie where that sad boy with the recently deceased father found a friend in a stray golden retriever that was good at basketball? A heartwarming film for the whole family to enjoy! And what's Brandon doing now? Oh...he's having loud sex with his girlfriend. I guess everyone has to grow up sooner or later.

This sex scene was controversial, and I can certainly see why: girlfriend is fully-clothed. "How did she have sex with her clothes on?" Viewers must have asked each other, "and why? Does she have body issues? Is this how the kids are doing safe sex these days?" There is a lot to discuss here. As the headboard pounds against the walls, knocking pictures askew and pencil holders off the nightstand, I have to think it's also a source of controversy amongst those who are unfortunate enough to share a wall with this guy's room. And god forbid he has a roommate. The "wild" sex concludes, and Brandon's eyes bug out just a little too much before he slumps on top of his girlfriend. Girlfriend initially takes Brandon's passing out as a testament to her sexual prowess, but starts to get worried when Brandon is unresponsive. When she flips him over, we see that he is still wearing his boxer shorts, like, if you're going to insert an unnecessary sex scene into your show to get ratings, you can at least try to make it look like the characters actually had sex. Girlfriend shakes Brandon, her naggy voice repeating his name over and over again and carrying outside, where the rest of the student population hear the girl they've come to refer to as "Miss Loudinthesack" calling out her boyfriend's name over and over again, figure she's going for another round, and roll their eyes.

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