Occam's Razor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 14 USERS: A+
The Simplest Explanation...

House will never find out, because his shift has ended! Kissing ass to get an hour off really came in handy after all. House limps away with a big ol' smile on his face, leaving instructions to give the patient over to Cuddy, who is also to check the patient for illegal downloads. Cuddy may have won the battle, but House just won the war. He doesn't get to savor his victory for long, though, because Cameron runs up to inform House that Brandon won't be having the surgery today because he almost died during the pre-op. Cameron also mentions the numbness in Brandon's fingers. House has an idea.

House walks up to Brandon's room. He tosses a quick "hi, again!" to the Branrents before walking right on into the clean room without taking any of the necessary safety precautions. Inside, he asks "how y'all doin'?" and Hugh Laurie's accent wavers just slightly on the "y'all," because English people simply cannot say that word, no matter how hard they try. It's an ingrained mental block that comes from not wanting to sound like a stereotypical stupid American. My dad has been in this country for twenty-five years now, and the best he can do is "yer-awlllll." And then we laugh at him, because there is nothing funnier to stupid Americans than other people screwing up. House tells the room about how different body cells divide more quickly than others, which is why the effects of colchicine poisoning are felt at different times, and why Brandon's symptoms showed up in a certain order. In fact, House can predict that his next problem will be his hair falling out in clumps, and yanks a nice patch off it out of Brandon's scalp to prove this theory as Mom watches in horror and disgust and Cameron throws her hands up in exasperation. And so, House says, Brandon has been doing drugs. Brandon admits to trying ecstasy twice, and Mindy gives him a "you are so dead when we get home, if you don't die here first" look. House says the ectasy must have been cut with colchicine, and that's how it got in his system. Some Fab fragments will fix him up nicely.

The Cottages begin Brandon's treatment. It takes effect immediately. Foreman flashes a thumbs up to the fam, who cheer. Mom's so damn relieved that she didn't kill her son that she even hugs Mindy. Colchicine poisoning brings families together!

Wilson finds House rummaging through the pharmacy's inventory. "Big weekend?" he asks. No, says House, although...that too. His primary concern, though, is trying to figure out how Brandon got all that colchicine. He doesn't think two tablets of ecstasy could have done it, so he's going to search through every single medicine until he finds a colchicine pill that looks like Brandon's cough medicine. I want to know how a pharmacist giving someone medicine for a condition he doesn't have is any different than what House does every episode.

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