After yet another long three-week wait, we're back! House strolls into Cuddy's office and cheerfully asks her what she wants. She asks him how many cases he has right now. He stupidly answers "three." House, you never have three cases. Even in "Three Stories," you really only had two cases, since the third one was you. And those two didn't even happen at the same time. So Cuddy doesn't believe him, and assigns him to non-stop Clinic duty for the next two days, saying that she would've only given him one if he hadn't lied to her. "That's dishonest! I refuse to participate in this --" House starts to high-horse, but Cuddy high-horses him right back by reminding him that he owes her big-time: "I kept you out of jail. I can put you back." Except that she can't unless she wants to go to jail, too. But House leaves to do his Clinic duty, calling Cuddy a "perjurer" over his shoulder as he leaves. "Felon!" she snaps back. Meanwhile, Cuddy's really getting into her new perjurer ways by wearing a business suit with the kind of cut that fellow perjurer Li'l Kim would go for. Every shirt you own doesn't have to be a dramatic V-neck, Cuddy. It's called a scoop neck. Look into it.
House's first patient is a guy who told the nurse he had a runny nose, but who actually has a runny penis. He thinks he has an STD. You know, if you aren't mature enough to tell a female medical professional (yes, I'm assuming the nurse is female. We've never seen a male nurse on this show. Hell, we really haven't seen any female doctors, when you think about it) that you might have an STD, then you aren't mature enough to engage in the type of activities that could give you an STD. House's second patient is a young woman who also thinks she has an STD. And his third patient is an older lady who just says "I think I have a..." and points downward. You know, to her lady bits. We cut to an awesome shot of House looking disturbed and upset as he takes one, two, and then three rubber gloves from the dispenser. I guess she's what you might call a "triple bagger."
Despite House's earlier safety over-precautions, he handles the resulting STD swab with his bare hands. The swab isn't even in a biohazard bag or anything. I can't wait until next season, when an overzealous OSHA inspector shows up and immediately decides that he hates House and Will Stop At Nothing to get him fired. I think that's when this show will finally get the villain arc right. House goes to the lobby and yells at any patients who are there for a runny nose that they just have a cold and should go home. A few people leave. Dude, what kind of asshole goes to a free clinic for a runny nose? You deserve to catch the flu for wasting everyone's time with that. House tells everyone remaining that they'll be seeing a different doctor because he's sick of "wiping crotches." No one seems too upset about this. Except Cuddy who, upon seeing House heading for the patient waiting area, ran right out of her office to yell at House that he is going to do his Clinic duty whether he (and the patients) like it or not.