House

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Open and Shut
amian suddenly realizes that he's being used for sex. Duh, Damian. She's married and you knew it. What did you think this was about? He leaves.

And now Wilson and Sam are fighting. Wilson does indeed have a list of things Sam did when they were married that annoyed him, none of which he told her about at the time. So that's his fault, as Sam points out. Instead of talking to her, he resented and avoided her. "I'm getting a lecture on communication from someone who had her lawyer inform me our marriage was over," Wilson retorts, then walks out of the room rather than address the issue, because that's how he rolls.

Taub and Hadley hang out in the MRI booth, where Hadley applauds Taub's "stones" in asking his wife for an open marriage. "The conversation sort of got away from me. It was a train wreck," Taub admits. What was he expecting? He's an idiot. Hadley starts talking about something she read that suggests that people who are unfaithful have something medically wrong with them, and maybe that's Taub's problem and he just can't help it. Taub doesn't seem thrilled about that, which surprises Hadley, who says she figured he'd be happy to have genetics as an excuse. "I'm 5'6" and have a receding hairline. I hate genetics," Taub says. Ha ha ha! Who wrote this episode? Clearly, they hate Peter Jacobson. Hadley says Taub could always get hair plugs (like House, except we're supposed to forget that he had a bald spot in the first season) and wear lifts, but he says being short and bald doesn't hurt anyone. Not to mention that he seems to have no trouble getting girls despite it, which is really the only reason why men bother to look good in the first place. Hadley says the genetic predisposition she's decided that Taub has only hurts people when he tries to deny it. What is she even talking about? She wants Taub to be honest with his wife about his inability to be faithful? That can't possibly be a good idea. Taub says there's no evidence of anything wrong with Julia's adrenal glands and that he won't stop trying to be a faithful husband. Hadley sees something on Julia's lung.

Back at Wilson's house, the fight is still raging. Wilson has leftover feelings of anger at Sam for how she served him with divorce papers (especially since that's what caused him and House to meet, which has only had a negative affect on his life thereafter. I'd be mad, too), while Sam refuses to take all of the blame for their marriage ending, saying that Wilson kept his feelings bottled up and pretended not to notice that their marriage was crumbling around them. "We hadn't had a conversation in months!" Sam says; "when you were home, it was like talking to a block of ice." Wilson says he was just really tired because he had to work two jobs so that Sam could take a nonpaying internship. Sam says Wilson was the one who told her to take it in the first place, because he clearly has no idea how to express himself. Wilson decides to give that a try with this: "you were being a selfish bitch."

Hadley informs House that Julia has a clot in her lungs. House is still trying to figure out what Tom is doing behind Julia's back. Cuddy walks in to make her three-second appearance and yell at House for ignoring all the memos accounting sent him regarding Julia and how she doesn't have health insurance. "Try not to bankrupt them," Cuddy says. Too late! And it's about time someone mentioned health insurance on this show about a hospital. Except for that one episode about Cuddy that was all about health insurance, which was boring and thus does not count. Hadley is confused; she knows that Julia is on her husband's health insurance plan. Cuddy says his policy lapsed due to non-payment.

House and Hadley confront Julia and Tom about their inability to pay for health insurance. Julia doesn't know anything about this, but Tom admits that yes, they were behind on their premiums, but he just paid it in full by pulling money from his retirement account, and his insurance company apparently accepted that and reinstated the policy just in time to pay for all of Julia's procedures. No health insurance company has ever actually done this. Mine is currently looking for any and all reasons to deny me the services I pay them $354 a month for while raising my premiums at the same time. If I didn't pay them one month, they'd drop my ass so fast it wouldn't be funny. And they would not reinstate me, even if I did end up paying what I owed. But anyway, Julia doesn't understand why Tom didn't use the money in their savings account to pay the premiums, and Hadley realizes that this is a personal matter and tries to make House leave the room. He has no intention of leaving now that things are getting interesting. Tom admits to Julia that he lost all of their savings. House immediately turns to Hadley to brag that he was right about Tom keeping a secret from Julia after all.

Back in House's office, Hadley informs House that she put Julia on blood thinners to stop the clots. House is still feeling triumphant about being right, although he thinks he should have known Tom's secret was about money. "If it's not sex, it's always money," he says. He would have known that three days earlier if he bothered to read those accounting memos. Also, what the hell is going on in accounting that they apparently only distribute memos on paper? They don't email or call House's voicemail? And then if House doesn't respond in a timely fashion, they tattle on him to Cuddy? PPTH is so fucked up. House asks Hadley how Tom lost the money. She doesn't think he'll care, but he tells her to tell him anyway. "He builds wind turbines and leases them out to local power companies," Hadley begins. House's eyes glaze over and he cuts her off. With that, they do some differential diagnosing on Julia's clotting disorder until Wilson walks in to angrily thank House for ruining his relationship with Sam. Wow, can Hadley go anywhere this episode without wandering into an awkward personal discussion? She wants to know the details, but House sends her off to test Julia for whatever their current diagnosis is that it won't end up being anyway.

"I'm sorry," House says to Wilson. Wilson is somewhat cheered to see House taking responsibility for this, but he spoke too soon. House says he's sorry that Sam left and made Wilson feel bad, but this isn't his fault. "I didn't even want to get involved. You dragged it out of me," House claims. Wilson says his dishwasher loading and banana peel discarding didn't help, but House points out that people don't end relationships because of bananas. Between this and the other show I recap, Survivor, bananas are becoming big issues of contention these days. "I just wanted you to stand up for yourself," House claims. He says if that was all it took to end things, then the relationship wasn't very solid in the first place. Wilson says if House hadn't pushed him, he would have kept his mouth shut and been annoyed sometimes but overall happy and still with Sam. Yeah, because that worked so well the first time around. House insensitively asks Wilson out to dinner, which I'm sure he expects Wilson to pay for.

Hadley draws some blood from Julia and asks where Tom is. Julia says she sent him away because she's mad at him for keeping their money problems a secret from her when she's obviously so big into honesty. Julia always thought that her open marriage was better than everyone else's because she and her husband are open about everything. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? I don't.

Taub returns home to find Mrs. Taub folding clothes on their bed. I was really hoping she was packing a suitcase and moving out, but no. She's just folding the laundry. She says that the worst part about Taub's affair wasn't the fact that he had sex with another woman, but the fact that he lied about it -- where he was, who he was with, why he quit his plastic surgery practice, etc. So, she'd rather give him a pass to cheat on her and be honest about it than deal with living a lie or whatever again. "Thursday nights. You have to be home by midnight. You don't bring her here,

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House

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