House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1240 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
A Load Of Bull

Martha and Taub explain to Lane that he needs an MRI (OF DOOOM!!) but the metal rod in his ribcage is going to make it even more DOOOM!!ful than ever as the magnets in the machine will heat the metal, making it very hot very quickly. To counteract this, Martha stammers out that they are injecting ice water into Lane's abdominal cavity to try to delay the heating process, so Lane will go from feeling colder than he's ever felt to feeling hotter than he's ever felt in, like, 30 seconds. Also, Martha enjoys lingering glances at Lane's chest, riddled as it is with surgical scars. With that, she slides Lane into the MRI (OF DOOOM!!) tube and tells Taub to shut up before he can make fun of her again.

The two settle in the booth, and Taub still wants to talk to Martha about her crush. "It's interesting," he claims. "No, it's not," Martha speaks the truth. It really isn't at all interesting. Martha has decided that Lane, a "blessed specimen," would create healthy offspring with Martha, and therefore evolution wants her to have sex with him. "My rational brain knows he's a hillbilly and an idiot," she says. It's her prefrontal cortex that is crushing on Lane. Taub says the fact that her rational brain appears to be losing that argument is what interests him. I think Martha's rational brain is falling for that charming smile Lane keeps flashing at Martha. Who could resist?

Bummer time for House! Wilson dragged him down to the hotel bar to lecture him about his current behavior and how he's not dealing properly with losing Cuddy. Wilson says House is pretending to murder hookers with fake arrows because he's bored, and that always leads to stupider and more disastrous things for House. Actually, I think the really stupid person in all of this is Hooker #5, who trusted her client who she knows nothing about other than he'll pay for sex to shoot her with a fake arrow. I know she's supposed to be a high-class escort, but still, you'd think she'd have some street smarts. This is no way to avoid those hooker-killing serial killers we're always hearing about. Wilson offers to let House move back in with him for a while. House says Wilson seems to think he's the only person who can help House out when he's feeling bad, and what an ego Wilson must have. True, but I think Wilson might also be offering to let House stay with him because, you know, House basically forced his way into Wilson's home to live with him the last time he was bummed out. The only thing House really wants this time, he says, is for Wilson to stop talking to him about this. Wilson says he hasn't even started talking about this. Oh, god, please no. I just don't want to hear it again. I can't imagine how sick House must be of this. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" House begs. Wilson refuses. He insists that they will talk about this and deal with it Wilson's way, not House's. House points out that he has legs, so he doesn't really have to be here. Well, he doesn't really have a leg, either. But I guess what he does have is good enough to let him walk away.

House

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