House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
A Load Of Bull

Wilson decides to try bothering Cuddy for a change. "He needs you," he tells her on the doorstep of her home which he probably didn't call before visiting. Cuddy says she still loves House and he loves her, but she can't be with him anymore. Wilson says that's fine, as long as House knows that Cuddy is still in his life as a friend or whatever. Yeah, I'm sure that'll make House feel so much better. Cuddy doesn't think even that is going to work right now, saying she can't fix House's problem because she is his problem. His problem is probably also herpes now that he's been with all those hookers. Maybe the clap, too.

It's a hot March day in New Jersey, and House is taking advantage of it by hanging out poolside with Hooker #6, champagne, and chocolate-covered strawberries. The Cottages, who seem to be more appropriately dressed for the weather, have taken another field trip to see him and give him an update on Lane's condition. House says if the fungus wasn't in Lane's heart, then the only other place it could be is his head. They should do a CT scan to find it. Taub and Foreman point out that Lane has a plate in his skull that cannot be removed as it's there for a reason. House says Lane is better off with no plate covering his multiple hairline fractures than he is dying from a fungal infection. Foreman says they don't have enough to go on for such a risky move to be advisable, like House ever cared about that before. House gets all David Caruso and wonders aloud, removing his sunglasses in mid-sentence, if the only symptom that hasn't been intermittent was never a symptom in the first place. What they thought was partial hearing loss could be mini-seizures. Chase says Lane's EEGs showed no seizure activity. House says he doesn't think Lane is having seizures, but "something like" seizures, whatever that is. And he already knows how to test his theory. He hands Hooker #6 a wad of cash and heads into work.

I really didn't think House would make an appearance at PPTH, but here he is at Lane's bedside, asking him to sing "My Bonnie." When I was little, I thought the song was called "My Body" and wondered why some guy's body was floating around in the ocean and needed fetching, or if the song was directed at someone who stole some guy's body but somehow left him alive and with just a head with a mouth so all he could do was sing about it. Lane doesn't see how singing will prove anything, but House says that Lane had better sing and stay on the beat, or else he'll have to have a risky skull-opening procedure. Martha explains that if Lane is having blackouts and his brain is compensating for them, Lane wouldn't even realize it, and everyone else would just think he was slow to answer questions. But his brain can't compensate for a pre-set rhythm in a song. House starts up the metronome and tells Lane to sing. He does, and just a few verses in, he starts pausing for a few seconds at a time, then resuming where he left off like nothing happened. When he finishes, he sits back and thinks he did a great job. Martha informs him that he did not. "That was brilliant," she then tells House. I think Martha has another crush! Her prefrontal cortex is beside itself this week! "Yeah," House says sadly on his way out of the room.

Wilson stops by House's hotel room for another visit. They're out on the balcony, which makes me think House only let Wilson in so he could throw him off the balcony and be rid of his annoying psychoanalyzing once and for all. While Hooker #7 (by the way, I am getting sick of and fairly grossed out by all these hookers. It's really not as funny as the writers apparently thought it would be) waits in bed, Wilson says House is obviously looking for something that excites him, from the hookers to the faking out Carnell to even his medical mysteries, and nothing is right now. But, Wilson reassures House, he's just depressed about Cuddy and in time, everything will go back to normal. Yes, because House was so thrilled about life before he started dating Cuddy. I'm sure he can't wait to return to that frame of mind. House psychoanalyzes Wilson right back, saying he's scared because he thinks House is falling apart and he's saying this to convince himself that House will be okay. With that, Hooker #7 hands House his cell phone, saying someone keeps calling.

It's Foreman, reporting that the CT scan of Lane's brain showed no evidence of a fungal infection. Well, hopefully they were able to remove that metal plate without killing Lane so it won't be so bad that they put him at so much risk for nothing. House was ready for this, though, and says the only option left is to "blow up [Lane's] heart."

For this, House makes a second appearance at work. The Cottages loudly protest House's heart-exploding idea, saying there's no proof that Lane's heart has anything wrong with it after extensive scans and tests. House responds to this by blowing his straw wrapper at an inattentive Taub's face to prove that they didn't see anything because they were looking the wrong way. There's an imperfection in Lane's heart for some reason, and House holds up his straw and says they have to suck to find it. Much like this episode, which apparently has to suck to be over already. Chase puts that in simpler terms for us: House wants to put pressure on Lane's aorta until it rips open, thus showing them where the problem is but also, Chase points out, creating a big new problem. House says Lane's infection is going to rip his aorta apart anyway, so they might as well do it when he's on an operating table and thus has the best possible chance of surviving it. Chase says House's idea is ridiculous. House ignores him and leaves to get Lane's consent to do the surgery.

House approaches Lane, who is looking sicker than ever and wearing some surgical dressing on his head after whatever they had to do to it to remove that plate, and tells him he has a Bartonella infection, which is somehow causing all of Lane's symptoms including a mycotic aneurysm in Lane's aorta than can only be found by blowing up Lane's heart. House makes sure to add that he's "as serious as a heart attack," then explains that they're going to increase Lane's blood pressure until the weak spot in his aorta gives way and, basically, explodes for all to see and hopefully close in 60 seconds or else Lane will bleed to death. House impatiently asks if Lane has any questions. Lane does not, which surprises House. He figured Lane would at least want to know if he'd be able to go back to riding bulls. Lane says he already assumed he wouldn't after they cracked open his skull. Good point. House wants to know why Lane doesn't seem more bummed out about having to quit something he loves so much. My guess is that Lane will just be happy to be alive at this point and can deal with losing bull riding later. Lane says he loves bull riding, but if he can't do it anymore then he'll just have to find something else to love. House may be learning a Valuable Lesson, but then Cuddy walks in and interrupts and ruins everything. "We need to talk," she says. Lane releases the sheet he was holding like a bull rope.

In the hallway, Cuddy has to go through the motions of denying House's diagnostic test of intentionally rupturing his patient's aorta. She says there's no reason for House to do something like this. House asks if she really thinks he would subject his patient to something so risky for no reason, or she thinks he's acting out because she dumped him. Cuddy says she thinks House is doing this because he needs to find something that will give him a rush, and all his usual methods aren't cutting it anymore. Way to talk to Wilson too much, Cuddy. Although that's probably not her fault; no doubt Wilson is camped out on her front lawn urging her to talk to House every evening. House, who has been bitter and angry towards Cuddy in a way that freshly-dumped people usually are, says his judgment is indeed affected by all of this, but it's still better than hers and every other doctor in PPTH, and I think he snuck a compliment in there about the Cottages when he said they were go

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