House
Painless

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Everybody Hurts

Cameron cashes her chips in immediately, asking House to treat Jeff, who has chronic pain all over his body that seven specialists haven't been able to diagnose or relieve in three years. House thinks Cameron is trying to teach him some kind of lesson about dealing with chronic pain, but Cameron claims she's just hoping he'll able to help Jeff. She's given up on House helping himself. That's what she says. I don't believe it, though! Hadley refuses to mind her own business and speaks up with to give a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, only to be sassed by Cameron, who says fibromyalgia provides neither an explanation nor a cure. Nor is it, some say, a real condition. I say I don't know if it's real or fake, but it's definitely over-diagnosed. Also, the only person I know who claimed to have it diagnosed herself and used it to get out of gym class. Foreman has to stick up for his lady love, though, and says that the American College of Rheumatology has specific diagnostic criteria for fibromyalgia, which means nothing since it's just saying that you feel pain in certain areas, and anyone can do that. Meanwhile, House has some specific diagnostic criteria of his own for whether or not two of his Cottages are in a relationship with each other, and Foreman and Hadley just met it. Cameron continues that Jeff doesn't meet the criteria for fibromyalgia, and duh, Hadley. You think a guy's going to come to you after seeing seven specialists for mysterious chronic pain and none of them thought of fibromyalgia first? Please.

Taub speaks up to point out that the fact that Jeff tried to kill himself makes him think that he has some psychological problems, so they should consider that the pain is all in Jeff's crazy head. Cameron says the suicide attempt was only because of the pain, but Taub doesn't think that a rational person would try to kill himself. Kumar tries to prove him wrong by asking what he'd do if he was being burned at the stake and someone gave him a gun. Taub says he'd shoot the people burning him. Good answer. Stop being difficult, Kumar. Jeff isn't being burned at the stake. He might feel like it, but an undiagnosed condition isn't the same as the certain death of being burnt at the stake. Meanwhile, House is too busy studying his Vicodin pills to pay much attention to Taub. He agrees to take the case and sends Taub off to check if Jeff's pain is psychosomatic, Hadley off to search Jeff's home, and Kumar off to get him a Vicodin refill and a donut. Foreman, of course, volunteers himself to accompany Hadley on the home search.

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House

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