House
Painless

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Sara M: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Everybody Hurts

Taub tries to give Jeff the depression test, but Jeff knows what he's up to and claims he isn't depressed and knows that trying to kill himself was stupid. Self-deprecation is a sign of depression, Jeff. Just saying. Taub ignores him and keeps asking the questions. He then moves onto the wife, who says her husband is calm and that talking to people makes his pain worse. "Interesting ... " Taub says, in that condescending way doctors have that makes you think you gave them the answer that says you're crazy. Then he talks to Zach, who says his dad helps around the house all the time and used to be strong and play hockey. And he laughs all the time. Whatever you say, Zach. I haven't seen Jeff laugh once.

Hadley and Foreman check out the garage. Foreman's found a ton of pain medications in Jeff's house, but notes that he's much more responsible about taking them than, say, House. Then he admires Jeff's car. Hadley, on the other hand, disagrees with Jeff's method of killing himself before hurriedly clarifying that it's not like she's planning to kill herself anytime soon or anything like that. Damn. Foreman then reveals that Hadley has been avoiding him since they kissed. Hadley denies this, claiming she's been busy. Yes, doing drugs and picking up chicks at clubs is a rather time-consuming hobby. Foreman asks Hadley to go out to dinner, because he apparently likes being rejected. Hadley turns both dinner and another make-out session down. Foreman asks if it's because they're co-workers. He's such a glutton for punishment. For whatever reason, Hadley clearly isn't interested in having a relationship with you, Foreman. Don't make her spell out why. Hadley admits that she doesn't want to see him because she actually likes him and doesn't want to have a serious relationship because she has a freaking terminal illness and the more involved she is with Foreman, the worse things will be for him when her health starts to decline. Makes sense to me! Why doesn't it make sense to Foreman? What is he, Cameron? Where was this willingness to be supportive of someone with a degenerative illness when he was avoiding having to see his senile mother for years on end? With that, Hadley finds a freezer full of meat that she instantly identifies as quail. Does she moonlight as a butcher or something? She's got some serious meat knowledge!

The gang returns to the meeting room for Hadley's diagnosis of rhabdomyolyisis from toxic wild quail, which would cause both his pain and the elevated CK levels in his blood. Taub is bizarrely hostile to this, saying the CK levels can also be explained by carbon monoxide poisoning and the pain profile he took clearly shows that Jeff's pain is purely psychosomatic. Meanwhile, Kumar and Foreman aren't paying attention because they're watching their boss take pills and wince uncharacteristically. House finally speaks up to disagree with Taub's diagnosis. But Taub will not be deterred, saying that Jeff is just depressed and some anti-depressants will make him all better. I think Taub's been watching too many of those "depression hurts" commercials. He also accuses House of wanting Jeff to have a physical problem because of House's own relationship with chronic pain. I diagnose Taub with having a stick up his ass today. House just goes with Hadley's diagnosis and tells them to check Jeff's urine and biopsy some muscles. Whether it ends up being rhabdomyolyisis or not, I'd like to know why Jeff has so much quail meat on hand. That big freezer was bursting at the seams with it! Is he stockpiling for an apocalyptic scenario? Does he just really, really love quail, even more than Hadley, who loves it so much she can immediately identify a plucked and skinned bird? So many questions! With that, House leaves for the day.

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House

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