House
Painless

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Everybody Hurts

Hadley does the muscle biopsy in front of poor Zach, who has really seen enough, hasn't he? Of course, things don't go well, as Jeff's arm suddenly starts to hurt and his BP drops. Then he goes into cardiac arrest and flatlines. Poor Zach. Now he's been traumatized for three lives.

House, meanwhile, is in bed. His cell phone vibrates, but instead of answering it he takes a few Vicodins.

Back in the meeting room, Foreman hangs up the phone, giving up on House answering it. Hadley says Jeff had a pulmonary embolism, and Taub has to begrudgingly admit that Jeff's problem is not psychosomatic after all. Ha ha! In your face, Taub! But Kumar points out that this also rules out rhabdomyolyisis. In your face, Hadley! But not as much as Taub's, because he was being such a pill. With that, the phone rings. It's House, blaming his inability to answer his phone on the fact that Foreman didn't let it ring long enough for his crippled self to get to it in time to answer. Except that the phone was on his bedside table. If House was missing both arms, I can see where there would be a delay. But he isn't. So stop trying to guilt trip Foreman when you couldn't answer the phone in time because you're a drug addict, House. Anyway, he's immediately figured out that the Cottages' late-night phone call means that Jeff had a pulmonary embolism that rules out both Taub and Hadley's diagnosis. House also adds that had Jeff had something that only ruled out Taub's diagnosis, both Hadley and Foreman would be "singing in the rain." Kumar comes up with Trousseau syndrome, which has something to do with cancer. House likes it, and tells them to check Jeff for tumors. He hangs up, and Taub cluelessly wonders why House thought Foreman would be singing in the rain with Hadley when it was just her diagnosis. Foreman and Hadley make twin innocent faces while Kumar the all-knowing smiles. And back at the House house, House finds a leak in his ceiling. He stupidly pokes at it with his cane, and it disintegrates and a pool of water splashes down on House in slow-motion. But his hairpiece remains intact!

Taub and Kumar check Jeff for tumors in the MRI of DOOOM! Kumar asks Taub who he knows who committed suicide, and Taub lists off various famous people, real and fictional, who did so, including Hemingway, Goebbels, and Romeo and Juliet. How is Goebbels on that list instead of Hitler? If you had to list a Nazi, wouldn't you go with the number one guy? Kumar patiently explains that Taub's strong reaction to the subject of suicide and his determination that he'd never do it indicates that he has some sort of baggage about the subject. Taub lashes out at Kumar, saying he assumes everyone has painful pasts because his childhood was so orphan-riffic. Kumar points out that that's a good reason why he wouldn't commit suicide, since things started off so bad for him that his life now always seems great by comparison. Taub just says that committing suicide when you have a wife and child counting on you being alive is a betrayal. Kumar drops the matter, and Taub feels the need to explain to him that his parents are both alive and well and not suicidal. Kumar cuts him off when he finds something in Jeff's diaphragm. Whatever it is, Taub says it isn't cancer.

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House

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