Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
House Arrest

While everyone's supposed to be looking at platelets (for the bone marrow transplant), Adams tells Taub that he doesn't seem to spend much time with his children during the time he's so desperate to have with them. It's true; his whole subplot is about how he refuses to give up time with his children, but one of the kids is currently stashed in the maternity ward.

During a consultation with the parents, Ben announces that he's thinking of dropping out of school, getting his GED, and then taking classes in magic and juggling. I don't know if Ben realizes this, but you can study magic and juggling while you're still in school. He wants to do this so he can "build a connection" to his dead biological father. His mother insists that he didn't know his father. BEEP BEEP BEEP! His blood pressure is dropping. It's a convenient way to end a scene!

Foreman's in a videoconference, and House barges in to be annoying. He successfully disrupts things, although he's right that it's Foreman's fault for paging him. Never ask House to come to your office unless you can give him all of your attention. Foreman tells House that he's received a request from some rheumatologists for House to give a speech at 9:00 on Saturday in Atlantic City because someone dropped out. House claims to hate conferences, which makes Foreman offer to do him a favor to get him to do it. House says he'd like half the clinic hours and twice the petty cash. Foreman reveals that he knows what's going on, and House is foiled.

Clinic. Diabetes guy (again!) wants his urine tested. House wants to know whose urine it is. Diabetes guy insists that he has swollen ankles. He believes that at fifty years old, he's definitely got diabetes, since his father and brother got it then. Chast and Taub enter to announce Ben's latest problems. House says the kid's dad died young of melanoma, but the overprotective mother never took the kid to a dermatologist. His conclusion is that she's hiding something and sends them off to get more information on the biological father and maybe trackdown some bone marrow. Then he gets back to diabetes guy by taking the urine and swigging it. He announces that it's not diabetes and tells Chase and Taub to get more info on "Clown, Sr." It was apple juice, not urine. That's apparently a well-known way to pretend to have diabetes. You know, in the faking-diabetes community.

Taub and Chase talk to the mother and stepfather. Taub claims the melanoma might have had some vague effect, so he needs more information about the biological father. The mother admits it wasn't melanoma that killed him. Because he's not actually dead! He's just living two towns over under a different name. And she doesn't want to tell Ben, because it's better he think his father is dead but decent. Taub has his thing about the importance of biological parents.

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