House
Perils of Paranoia

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Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!
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House of Lies

Mrs. Patient tells Taub the patient never eats or drinks anything not made at home because he's afraid of cockroaches. Meanwhile, the patient is telling Chase he worked in the Health department and has seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, and so on. And he says there are definitely no accidental poisons at home. Chase outright asks if his wife could be trying to kill him. He says that there's no way. At the same time, she's telling Taub the same thing. They're a happy family.

Park and Adams are nosing around in a big house and find no chemicals. They broke in, but Adams says they've got five minutes before the police show up even if someone saw them. Park says cops protect prosecutors, so they'll probably be there earlier. Say, if they're really breaking in to do this, isn't that the sort of thing that could reflect poorly on their boss, the guy who's constantly in danger of going back to prison? Adams is all set to run out, but then Park spots an area that might be a secret wall. She brusquely orders Adams to go get her a magnet from the refrigerator and uses it to open the bookcase.

House is napping or something when he gets a call from Park. He thinks she's calling to tell him about the poisons they found, but instead she's reporting the cool bunker they found. It's full of gas masks and guns. Lots and lots of guns. It's an armory, is what it is.

Mrs. Patient says Park and Adams must have broken into the wrong house, since she certainly doesn't know anything about any suspiciously well-stocked bunkers. Adams says there were pictures of her and her kids all over the place. Mr. Patient finally admits that he had it done during a remodel. And it's not on the plans because he didn't want the government to know about it. So it's probably not much of a bunker, really. I guess I was thinking of a fallout shelter with two-foot-thick concrete walls, but it's really more of a weapons cache. Good to get that cleared up. Mrs. Patient is pretty freaked out at the revelation that her home had all that in it. She should try thinking of it as buried treasure. I wish I had a secret room that you got into by swinging a bookcase out of the way.

When Adams and Park go to tell House about it at his clinic hours, he's already assumed that the patient is worried about the government collapsing. Yep! He concluded that because that's the usual reason for people to stockpile weapons. To be fair, the word "stockpile" isn't entirely accurate; the guns were actually hung neatly on hooks. Park thinks it's not necessarily paranoia to plan for the collapse of society. Adams says that's stupid, which Park takes offense at. So the question is whether his weapons cache is the result of a symptom, which might be because of cocaine. This show sure has a lot of patients with weird behavior that might or might not be the result of medical problems. Adams goes with sleep apnea. House says to check for cocaine abuse and sleep problems. Then he calls on the hottest woman in the clinic.

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House

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