House
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Cane And Able

We open on some pleasant, soothing music. We follow Robin "The Craft" Tunney around as she rides a bus, runs through a rather over-gated ramp, and then enters a school, where she is a kindergarten teacher. Her co-worker, "Miss Melanie," sidles up, all curious as to why Robin is late for work when she pretty well knows the answer is that Robin spent the night with Brad, and there aren't any bus stops near Brad's house. Either Miss Melanie has the bus route memorized, or she's got some history with Brad. Hmmm. Anyway, Miss Melanie begs Robin to tell her whether or not she actually slept with Brad as a hallway full of small children watch and listen. Miss Melanie says that if Robin didn't sleep with Brad, then there's either something wrong with him or there's something wrong with her. Something like...a mysterious degenerative brain illness?!?!?!

To escape the probing questions of the Melanie Report, Robin ducks into a classroom. The kids greet her with a "good morning Miss Radfafa" in that group-of-children-speaking-in-semi-unison-unintelligble way. It turns out that they're saying "Miss Rebecca," like, what kind of school lets its students address teacher by first name? As her ridiculously well-behaved students take their seats, Miss Radfafa asks them what they did over the weekend. A cute little girl asks why Miss Radfafa asks what they did over their weekends, but never tells them what she did over her weekend. I think that cute little girl was paid off by one Miss Melanie, who is no doubt behind the door listening in right now. She MUST find out about Brad! She MUST! Miss Radfafa says she'll tell them all about her weekend, providing they don't tell Miss Melanie about it. Oh, Miss Radfafa's class has really opened a can of worms (spoiler!) there. You never want to know what your teacher did over the weekend. My fourth-grade math teacher used to spend a part of every Monday's class I'd like to call "doing your teacher's budget" telling us what she did during her entire weekend and we'd have to listen to her and add up all the money she spent. She would always go into painstaking detail about which meals she ordered and how delicious they all were and the class was always right before lunch so we were all starving and it was torture. Not to mention really boring, as most adults' lives are to children and, usually, to adults. Anyway, Miss Radfafa starts talking about a "new friend" she made and how much fun it is to make new friends, but before she can go into the TMI details about what kind of fun she and her new friend had, she loses the ability to form words. She can make some funny gibberish sounds, though, which the kids find freaking hilarious. Miss Radfafa does not seem to enjoy the humor, though, as she starts twirling around as some suspenseful heartbeat sounds come on the soundtrack. "Call the nurse" she manages to write on the whiteboard before falling to the floor and seizing. Nurse, schmurse -- she needs DR. HOUSE!

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House

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