Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
Cane And Able

Speak of the cranky devil, he's caning his way down the hall with Robert Sean Leonard, a.k.a. Dr. James Wilson, who's telling him about a patient. It's Miss Radfafa, of course, whose pre-opening credits deal apparently happened a month ago. Wilson reports that she lost the ability to speak and has been deteriorating rapidly since. But never mind her! First we have to pay very close attention to the fact that House needs a cane to walk, because it's the only thing we see on screen for the first few moments and therefore it is VERY IMPORTANT. House doesn't like the fact that his limp makes everyone think he's a patient, but doesn't want to wear a white coat because it will identify him as a doctor. This guy will never be satisfied. House stops griping long enough to get in a remark about how happy he is that Wilson's patient can't speak, and Wilson lets him know that Miss Radfafa is his cousin before House can stick his bum foot in his mouth any further. Instead of the usual "ooooh...sorry," you'd expect someone to say here, House just goes, "Brain tumor. She's gonna die. Boring." Wow, not only does he remind Wilson of his cousin's mortality, but he also has to throw in that personal comment about her teaching style. Damn, he's cold.

Wilson and House talk for a while about what their respective jobs are (Dr. Wilson is an oncologist, House is an "infectious disease guy") because that's the kind of information the viewer needs to know during a pilot episode. Then Wilson gets back to his cousin, saying that he doesn't think she has a brain tumor, based on the negative lab results and her non-response to radiation therapy. House takes a second to dry-swallow a couple of sweet, sweet painkillers, and then makes fun of Wilson's poor dying cousin for using an HMO. Wilson has worked with House long enough to expect this, it seems, and does not punch him in the face. Instead, he tells House to put that team of over-qualified young doctors he hired to work on figuring out what's wrong with Miss Radfafa.

Sick Miss Radfafa lies in her sickbed sickly. The camera tracks in on Miss Radfafa's face. And in...and in...and it's getting kinda close there...and we're up her nose. Robin Tunney nose hair enthusiasts, this is your lucky day! The Magic School Bus Cam continues its travels and we pass either a booger or Miss Radfafa's brain, and then go inside that and through blood vessels and into the neuron-y section and then we're looking at the latest CAT scan of Miss Radfafa's head, which only shows that she has a lesion. House's team of young, hot, infectious disease doctors are gathered around, and, led by Dr. Eric Foreman, played by Omar "Dr. Trainface" Epps, are kind of put off by House's policy of avoiding talking to the patient at all costs, because patients, like all humans, LIE.

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