House
Poison

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Oedipus Complex

House limps out of his office and into Grandma Sex, who says she snuck out of her house to see her boyfriend without her son and his stepfather-resentment issues around to get between them. Perhaps House could take the son out on a fishing trip or off to chop wood so he and House could have a chance to bond? House tells Grandma Sex that he's very sorry, but that he knows from experience that syphilitic brain damage does not a basis for a good relationship make. Plus, he finds it difficult to chop wood with a bum leg. Grandma Sex asks if it's just the syphilis that has given her all these new "feelings" (in all sense of the word, I'd say). House says it is. Grandma Sex says, in that case, she'd like to keep her syphilis, and returns the prescription to House. She'd rather die feeling sexy and loving Ashton from afar than playing canasta all day long or whatever it is that the unsexy old folks do to live out the rest of their days. House actually smiles, then says that he has some great news: Grandma Sex's brain damage is irreversible! The drugs will only keep it from getting worse and causing the slightly-less-pleasant brain damage we all hear so much about. Grandma Sex is "doomed to feeling good for the rest of [her] life," House says with a smile, probably because he's high on the Vic, which will be making him feel good for the rest of his life as well. A thrilled Grandma Sex goes to give House a hug, but he asks her to respect the boundaries of the doctor-patient relationship. "When I stop being contagious, I'll come back for a checkup," Grandma Sex says with a wink. Well, she's got self-confidence, I'll give her that. House chuckles as he watches her go, and then limps off to fire the person who keeps telling his patients where his office is.

Cameron and Foreman check out the kids' bathrooms simultaneously and communicate their findings by cell phone. They're not having much luck with a common bathroom item, as the boys use different deodorants and shampoos. Chi uses Johnson's No-Tears Formula, which I didn't think anyone over the age of one used.

Foreman and Cameron call House to report their findings. Welcome to the new century: they've all got three-way-calling on their cell phones AND they know how to use it, putting them all miles ahead of me; I still don't understand how to use the call waiting feature. Every time someone calls on the other line, I end up hanging up on the original call. House suggests checking out the laundry detergent. Both find "TKO" brand laundry detergent, which I assumed was the culprit since it's the only thing mentioned thus far that isn't an actual brand. (I think. At least, I've never seen it in the grocery store.) House tells them to bring in the detergent.

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