Suddenly, it's time for some speed dating! And despite his earlier refusal, House has decided to take Wilson up on his offer. As has Chase, who is apparently ready to start dating again after the recent break-up of his marriage. House doesn't like having Chase around, because he's attractive and thus too much competition for House and Wilson. Wilson agrees with House that Chase is hot. That's definitely something straight guys talk about with each other -- how good-looking they are. Chase gets all insecure, asking if they're implying that he can only get dates because of his looks. The fact that he's a doctor probably doesn't hurt either, though. House bets Chase $100 that he'll get over a dozen names at the end of the night even if he drops the Australian accent, acts stupid, and doesn't tell anyone he's a doctor. With that, an annoying woman bangs a small gong and says "the fun is about to start." The women are all sitting at tables and the men get to rotate around the room and meet them.
Wilson starts off his date by saying he's an oncologist. The woman says her aunt and grandmother died from breast cancer. Nice conversation-opener, lady. I can't imagine why she has trouble finding dates. House is his usual crabby self to his date. Chase attempts an American accent and tells his date that he plays videogames and little else. Wilson's next date sobs about how cancer has affected her life. What is with these people and their insistence on bringing up everyone they know who has cancer just because they're sitting in front of a cancer doctor? And he's not even a good cancer doctor. House's next date has many things he's looking for: "I don't want kids. I'm thinking about going from a C to a D [cup]. And I'm on fire for the Lord." Two out of three isn't enough for House. Chase tells his date that she has big hips. It's worth making a seemingly nice woman feel bad about herself just to win $100 from House. Wilson finally meets a woman who doesn't know anyone with cancer. She does know a cat, however -- her own, who died a few months ago. She begins to cry. Meanwhile, House has found another, less God-loving likely prospect. She opens by saying she hates these things and is only here because a friend dragged her. Also, she loves solving puzzles, which is why she became a police detective. But criminals are stupid and thus she is not being challenged. House almost believes she's the perfect woman for him until he catches a glance at her crossword puzzle and sees that it's full of made-up words like "swoft," thus indicating that she isn't into puzzles at all but wanted her speed dates to think she was. Because that's one thing men find absolutely irresistible: women who claim to enjoy puzzles. So it's totally worth the effort to make it appear that you fulfill those qualities. House says she's a good liar, but stupid. And probably not a police officer. She does seem like a psychopath, though. That's like three female psychopaths in the last four episodes, isn't it? What is going on in the writers' lives? If only they had a blog to tell us why they're so obsessed with female sociopaths. Oh wait -- they do! Well, one of them does. The rest have Twitter accounts. The speed-dating session wraps up and the guys tally up their results. Wilson gets a small pile of cards from interested women. House actually gets a few too, despite his best efforts. And Chase appears to get a card from every single woman there. Even the gong lady is impressed with haul. House is happiest of all, because now he gets $100 to spend on more porn rentals.