House returns to the office. Cameron says that she looked up butt plug in a legal dictionary and found it stood for "lawyer." Well, that and the mini-camera she planted on House so she'd see his every movement. She asks how the meeting went. House says everything will be fine. Foreman says his MS test came back negative while Cameron's glucose test came back in her face every time she tried to administer it.
House rolls his eyes so hard he almost gives himself nystagmus and marches off to George's room. He informs George that he's eating himself "half to death." This is followed by several fat jokes as House tries to force George to drink the sugar water. George insists that he isn't diabetic, but House just asks if grocery stores give away free medical degrees along with those free turkeys. Oh, it's not that simple. You have to buy one turkey first to get the free one. House starts assaulting George with the sugar water bottle, so George calls for help from his nurse. Evil Nurse Brenda rushes in, ready to attack. "What the hell is going on?!" she demands, putting a hand on the gun she keeps concealed in the small of her back. But House suddenly stops the assault and stares at George's fingers. He grabs his cane and walks out of the room. The Cottages follow. Evil Nurse Brenda is stuck cleaning sugar water off of a six hundred pound man.
In the hall, House orders the Cottages to perform various tests on George to find lung cancer. Since it's not connected to obesity, George should agree to their tests. Why lung cancer? Well, when George grabbed House's hand, he felt his bony fingers. Clubbed fingers are a sign of lung cancer, among various other nasty diseases. Small cell lung cancer isn't really one of them, according to this, but who cares?
The tests are run. Even Wilson gets to actually be an oncologist and do some work on George. But it's Cameron who gets to give George the results. There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is, George was right that his illness was not caused by his obesity. The bad news is he has small-cell lung carcinoma. It caused paraneoplastic syndrome, which, despite being rare, happens fairly frequently on this show. The paraneoplastic syndrome caused the coma and the blindness. George has a few months to live. "I never smoked," George says. Oh, the irony! And yet, I think I would have liked it better if George eventually did have an obesity-related illness, just because we were all expecting him not to because this show likes to surprise us. Although, I guess a case could be made for the fact that if George's fingers weren't fat, thus concealing his clubbed fingers, his cancer might have been seen earlier before it became terminal. "C'est la vie," George sighs. I just can't believe Cameron actually managed to tell someone he was dying of cancer. Good for her. As for George, well, at least he got several lifetime's worth of food into his one relatively short one.