Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A | Grade It Now!
Diagnosis: Pants Afire

House is sitting alone in his darkened office looking gloomy when Wilson stops by to try and cheer him up. House claims he is okay, shit happens, he did his job, just, you know, not in time. Wilson apologizes for assuming the worst about House and the gala. He had no idea Cuddy (or anyone really) actually liked mariachi music. He is impressed with House and was wrong to have thought poorly of his relationship skills. He turns to go, recommending House scamper along home to change because the party is in a few hours. House looks pensive as Wilson leaves.

In the locker room, Taub and Foreman are already in their Sunday best when Foreman breaks down and allows Taub to stay in the apartment if he wants. They both admit they were wrong, but they don't hug or anything because that would be weird. Dr. Amber is waiting for them outside so she can hitch a ride to the gala. Chase, looking dapper in his tux, loiters too. He is dateless tonight all because of Amber's cutting remarks. She mentally cockblocked him or something, but he looks almost appreciative. The four doctors head out to the party, hoping to arrive in time to see the looks on the Board members' faces when House's mariachi band arrives.

Speaking of mariachi, House is listening to some delightful music as he sits alone in a bar. Did you not see this coming? I am going to pretend that we all saw this coming, because it makes me feel better about the education system in this country. House's phone is buzzing and buzzing as he drinks whiskey alone. Wilson finds him, because Wilson embedded a tracking device on his cane years ago. House is mourning the loss of his patient, actually all his lost patients over the years. Wilson listens patiently and points out that House did his best to save this patient and all the patients. He gently reminds him that losing patients is part of being a doctor. House won't hear it though, and instead is focusing on how he is a wretched human being and a worse doctor and he doesn't deserve to be happy. Instead of slapping him silly, Wilson contains himself to rolling his eyes profusely at this self-indulgent wanky comment. He tells House that Cuddy is worried and hurt. House throws some money on the bar and insists on going to tell Cuddy the truth that very moment. Wilson implores him not to, but he goes anyway.

Cut to Cuddy's front door. She is in her pajamas and going to answer the persistent knocking. She coldly tells House that he is drunk and he screwed up big time, but she lets him in anyway and sits while he begins his lecture. He announces that being happy and being in love with her make him a crappy doctor. Wisely Cuddy tells him to shut up, but, of course, he doesn't. He continues his proclamation that he knows she has made him a worse doctor and people are going to die because of it and it is entirely her fault, but you know what? SHE'S WORTH IT. Has someone been watching L'oreal commercials again? Cuddy looks almost bemused at the idea that people will die because of their love, when the correct response would be complete horror. People are going to die just so House can love her? No thank you. Time to cross Princeton Plainsboro off your list and see what other hospitals are in your Preferred Provider Network. But instead of shivering at the thought, she almost smiles as House collapses on the couch next to her. He loves her and that's all that matters. He chooses her! He puts his head on her lap and then announces that his head is on her vagina. She instructs him to go to sleep. Yeah, Cuddy, you're worth it. But is he? And with that I go back to not recapping this show. Quite happy about that right now.

Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is increasingly less interested in having House be her personal physician. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.

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