House

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Everybody Apologize

And so, House is stuck having lunch in the cafeteria with Wibberly, who realizes that this is awkward but just wants to thank House for the letter and tell him not to feel bad. "Thanks," House mutters, then attempts to make polite conversation by asking where Wibberly works. He assumes, of course, that Wibberly is also a doctor, but OOPS! it turns out that he works at a supermarket. Because OOPS! OOPS! he never graduated med school. Because OOPS! OOPS! OOPS! he was just one credit short thanks to a failing grade on the switched paper. House hopefully asks if Wibberly is the CEO of that supermarket chain he works at. No way -- he's a bagger. OOPS! OOPS! OOPS! OOPS! I hope House bought him lunch.

While Valerie chatters away in the MRI (OF DOOOM!!), Hadley stares intently at the monitor in the booth. Until Foreman walks in, all pissed off to see that Hadley did not follow his orders to give her beta blockers, but is instead getting PPTH more $$$ with this expensive and seemingly unnecessary scan. Ah, but there is a method to Hadley's madness, as she shows Foreman that while Valerie talked about things she supposedly felt any emotion towards, the emotion center of her brain remained inactive. "She can understand love and pain and empathy but she can't feel them at all. She's a psychopath," Hadley says, looking disturbingly pleased about this development. I think it's just because she likes being right. Anyway, three cheers for Valerie! She'll be the most interesting patient of the week we've had in a while. This also explains why she emerged from the MRI (OF DOOOM!!) unscathed: it recognized one of its own.

Once House gets the news about Valerie's condition, he rushes as fast as his sometimes-lame leg will take him to meet her. With Hadley and Foreman in tow, House tells Ugly Husband to take a hike so he can speak with Valerie alone. Ugly Husband obliges, because we now know he's not very good at reading people or situations. "How long have you been a psychopath?" House asks Valerie, who claims to have no idea what he's talking about. House explains that Valerie has no normal emotions or a conscience and manipulates everyone and everything around her just for fun. And is also promiscuous, for some reason. I'm not sure how having a lot of sex with different people and being a psychopath go together. House says that Hadley was able to figure Valerie out due to what might be an evolved response to predators that causes us to get the creeps around psychopaths unless they are hot chicks and we are straight male doctors. Then, clearly, other biological responses take over. When House tells Valerie that it's in her own best interest to come clean about her mental issues that could be related to her mystery illness, she drops the confused act immediately and asks what they want to know. The first thing Hadley wants to know is if Russ was telling the truth, even though that's almost definitely not diagnostically relevant. Valerie admits to slipping Russ some Valium and something to make him barf. "I've had 'em both before, why can't he?" she asks. Who drinks emetics? That can't be fun. Valerie says she and Russ had an arrangement: she had sex with him every Thursday night (clearly, neither she nor Russ were Must-See TV fans) and he let her take credit for his best ideas. As for the Ugly Husband, he has very rich parents who made her sign a pre-nup, so she has to stay married in order to stay wealthy. So yes, she married him just for money after all. Valerie says she's not much different from everyone else -- we're all out for ourselves. But she can be honest with herself about it. Hadley pointedly remarks that she reminds her of someone she knows. "TELL ME ABOUT IT!" House says sarcastically, turning back to Valerie and asking how long she's been like this. "Just how I am," she shrugs.

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House

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