House

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Everybody Apologize

House finds Wilson doing some Clinic hours and treating the injured hand of a guy who only speaks Spanish. Fortunately, Wilson and House also speak Spanish and so can communicate with him. Well, House (or el doctor Casa) speaks Spanish. Wilson just pretends to, calling House what translates into "a doctor of medical." House complains that Wibberly has an agenda, most likely trying to guilt House into doing something for him. With that, the patient complains that his hand hurts a lot, blaming the injury on "very dangerous working conditions." Wilson ignores his patient and tells House that if he feels guilty (or REMORSE) about Wibberly, then he should do something to make it better and relieve his guilt. House thanks Wilson by telling the patient that Wilson is a very good doctor, which, despite the fact that he said it in Spanish, contains enough English-sounding words for Wilson to understand what he said and be touched by his friend's uncharacteristic kindness. House follows that by saying Wilson has erectile dysfunction, which also contains enough English-sounding words for Wilson to understand what he's saying. He says that despite what House did to Wibberly and however it caused Wibberly to end up in life, chances are good that he's still happier than House, so he can stop feeling guilty. House likes this approach, and heads off to make sure that Wibberly is happier than he is. But first, he leaves the patient with a good tip: if he's going to injure his hand because he's stoned at work, he might want to ease up on the eye drops, as using too much will cause his eyes to tear up like they are right now.

And so, House visits Wibberly at his home, pleased to see it looks nice enough and thus Wibberly is almost definitely happier than he is. But then House just has to ask why there are boxes all over Wibberly's living room. OOPS! He's moving away from his awesome home because OOPS! OOPS! it's being foreclosed on. He just couldn't afford his father's medical bills and the adjustable rate mortgage. "It could be worse, right?" Wibberly shrugs. "How?" House asks. Well, you could be the guy who feels responsible for all this terribleness.

Ugly Husband is not thrilled to hear that his wife might have syphilis. Taub thinks he's just worried that he got it from her and reassures him that it's at a stage where it is no longer contagious, and hasn't been for a long time. But Ugly Husband, unlike everyone else on this show, is more concerned about someone else than he is himself. Hadley breezily tells him that Valerie could have been born with this syphilis, and so wouldn't have gotten it by cheating on him. Valerie suddenly starts coughing. This is usually leads to blood all over the place, but this time she just waits for Ugly Husband to go off and fetch her a glass of water before stopping and turning to Hadley in a most creepy manner to ask if she feels threatened by her. Hadley's taken aback, but says no. Valerie says she should be, because if Ugly Husband finds out what Valerie told them about Russ, she will make sure that Hadley never practices medicine again and sue the pants off of her and the hospital. Meanwhile, Taub is just standing there all, "I am so glad I wasn't stupid enough to get on the psychopath's bad side." Hadley looks sort of startled, and Valerie tells her to freeze with that expression so she can use it for herself, as she has to imitate other people's emotions since she doesn't have her own. She moves her face imperceptibly and gasps in a perfect imitation of Hadley. I love Valerie! I know she can't love me back, but that's okay. I love her so much that I don't even mind that she's giving Hadley lots of camera time. Ugly Husband returns with a glass of water and Valerie goes right back into fake loving wife mode. Hadley abruptly asks for Valerie's arm to take some blood, but when she turns it around, only the lower half of Valerie's forearm goes with her. The other stays in place. OOPS! Hadley just broke the hell out of Valerie's arm.

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House

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