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Everybody Apologize

Meanwhile, House is intrigued by his patient and asks her what it's like to be a psychopath as she waits for the radiation to begin. "When you watch Star Wars, which side do you root for?" he wonders. Yes, that's got to be up there on the list of life difficulties psychopaths face. "Dr. House, what are you doing?" Valerie asks, not unlike the creepy way HAL did in 2001: A Space Odyssey. She knows of House's hands-off reputation with patients, and yet he's spoken to her twice already. She thinks he's a little too interested in her psychopathy, possibly because he's a psychopath, too. She points out that he's showing how self-interested he is by delaying a sick woman's treatment just to satisfy his own curiosity. House says everyone is self-interested, but most of us also have consciences. Not that he's particularly thrilled to have his. "So if you know your conscience is just an animal instinct, you don't need to follow it. I think you realize that," Valerie says; "that's why you're talking to me." House decides not to talk to Valerie anymore.

Ugly Husband returns to Valerie's room, shocked and upset to discover that she never went to that landscaping class. OOPS! Valerie is busted. OOPS! OOPS! So is Hadley, as Ugly Husband makes sure to say that she was the one who encouraged him to look into this. Ugly Husband starts to believe that Valerie really was having an affair after all, but she quickly comes up with the excuse that she was at work preparing for a Friday morning conference call and didn't want to tell him because of a previous fight they'd had about the time she spent away from him at work. She expertly makes this all Ugly Husband's fault, saying when he yelled at her for working too much, she felt unimportant and sad. Ugly Husband totally buys it, because Valerie is awesome at this stuff. Hadley really should have known better. Now not only is Ugly Husband more in the dark than ever, but also now the psychopath is really, really pissed at her. Why is Hadley so stupid? Does she walk around sticking her fingers in beehives, too?

And now Cuddy's precious time is being wasted with a visit to mediate things between Hadley and Valerie, who demands that she fire Hadley. Cuddy just sighs, because this is one of those episodes where that's all she's going to do. Hell, this has been one of those seasons where that's all she's going to do. Valerie says she's going to have to deal with coming up with lies on top of lies to keep Ugly Husband in the dark and it's a pain in the ass, so Hadley should have to share that pain. Yeah, that's making a great case for why someone should fire a doctor. Come on, Valerie. You can do better than that. Cuddy hates psychopaths almost as much as Hadley apparently does, and refuses to take Valerie's side, saying that Hadley had a "valid medical reason" for asking about the landscaping class. And she knows Valerie's threats to sue PPTH are baseless because that would mean admitting to her husband that she did have an affair and losing out on his trust fund. Even so, she says she's going to bar Hadley from any contact with her patient. "What?" Hadley asks, because it's a good idea to question your boss in front of a patient. Idiot. Cuddy continues that this is for Hadley's sake -- "we have no obligation to inflict you on her," she tells Valerie. Um, excuse me, but what did Valerie do to Hadley, exactly? Yes, she's a psychopath. But she hasn't done anything to anyone at PPTH. It's not really fair of Cuddy or Hadley to treat her like she's evil. Even though she is. Valerie thinks Cuddy's just saying that to make Hadley feel better when the truth is she doesn't appreciate Hadley leaving PPTH open to a possible lawsuit. Cuddy doesn't really care what Hadley or Valerie choose to believe, so she takes off, leaving Hadley behind with the patient she just said Hadley couldn't have contact with. Okay. Hadley sulks, and Valerie asks if she's going to cry or something. Valerie herself can't cry. Enh, neither can Hadley. Olivia Wilde isn't a good enough actress. And why would Hadley cry about this anyway? I'd be thrilled that I didn't have to deal with the psychopath anymore. Now Chase can go and kill her to make everyone else's lives better.

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