House
Resignation

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Folger's Crystals

House suddenly leaves the exam room and heads for the pharmacy. He asks the pharmacist, who isn't the usual Marco, for three 10 mg tablets of amphetamines as the Cottages run up and tell him the arteriogram was normal. House tries to make that mean something, but Foreman says it only proves there is no infection. Just keep being determined that there's no infection, Foreman. It's served you so well in the past. House thinks Addie has some kind of magical infection that comes and goes. Maybe, he says, Addie's body was able to fight it off for a while, making her seem better, but now her body has given up. Given up like Foreman. Foreman scowls, and House teasingly asks him for a sunny smile. Chase, of course, giggles. His nose is so far up House's ass that he probably knows more about House's bowel movements than House does. House wonders if Addie is missing a protein, and one that you can't get by eating nuts. Chase guesses he's talking about Complement Factor H Deficiency, which is like the perfect disease for this show because it's really rare and there's no way to test for it. It's also fatal, as Addie won't be able to fight off bacteria and will just keep getting infection upon infection. House says if Addie stays on top of things, she'll live for five more crappy years instead of six crappy months. What fun for her! There are no diagnostic tests to confirm CFH deficiency, but House says they can test some of Addie's cells that are "yummiest for it." Those cells are in the eye and the gathering process will include a needle. Of course.

House goes back to the exam room and informs Honey that her boyfriend is cheating on her. "It's okay. I get it," Honey sighs. It's hard to get emotional and worked up about stuff when your body is starved for precious, wonderful, delicious red meat. Honey says she knows what a great catch her boyfriend is, so it's only natural that women would throw themselves at him. Honey needs to start eating whatever animal product makes your eyes see better, because right now she is clearly blind. House interrupts her and says the boyfriend isn't cheating on her with another woman -- he's cheating on her with a hamburger. You see, he says that poop floats when it's full of fat. Cheeseburger fat. I did a quick internet search to see if that's true, and found a site called Poop Report that actually had a detailed response from "Poonurse" about what causes poop to float or sink. She said it might be "conventional medical wisdom" that fat makes poop float, but that's not actually true for someone who isn't suffering from, like, celiac disease. She says poop is like Ivory soap: and the more gas or air it has trapped in it, the more it floats. And, she says, there's no specific diet that will consistently produce floaters or sinkers. I never thought or cared enough about the subject to do any research about it before, but now I know. And so do you. Anyway, Honey is much more upset when her boyfriend admits to eating meat every once in a while than she was when she thought he was eating other women. House takes this opportunity to put himself forth as a potential new boyfriend, saying he has all the qualities Honey claims to love about her current one. Honey smiles. I wonder if her veganism extends to eating honey or not. That would be kind of weird if her name was Honey but she didn't eat honey. Kind of like how House is named House but he lives in an apartment.

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House

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