House
Risky Business

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: C+ | Grade It Now!
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All You Need Is Cash

Out in the hall, Park is baffled at why House would be taunting the head of the disciplinary committee and tells House to forget the bet. He looks mildly baffled and says, "You two really need to do your research on me." See, this is why he needs a steady stream of new dummies to bother. It's no fun when the victims are expecting to be needled. House proposes a test (activated protein C) that will cause the patient to either bleed out in one case or throw another clot in the other case. As long as they're watching him, they'll be ready!

Barton tells Adams that her boss employs blackmail, so maybe she could stop being snotty about his business practices? She ignores this (presumably because she doesn't want to have to defend House's tactics) and interrogates him on his future factories' working conditions. He claims that American companies don't use that much child labor. Park pipes up that her ten-year-old cousin works in an American factory and is happy as a clam. It's cheaper than school! Barton is itchy, which means ... something.

In his office, House uses a homemade strobe light to annoy the ortho people next door. When one comes over to call House childish, House makes the ortho guy vomit into a trash can. Apparently you can do that with a strobe light. The ortho guy asks, "You think I'm not gonna go to Foreman with this?" Of course he will. House will deny it, but Foreman will obviously believe him. I'm not sure how this works out in House's favor, since the best case is that no one can prove what he's doing but everyone will know it's true. Adams points out that his strong attachment to his old office is just like "loyalty to real estate." House pontificates in an attempt to distract from what was actually a pretty good point. Adams pontificates in return (sorry; it turns out I don't much care about the philosophical justifications for nationalism), then brings up the wife's non-Hodgkin lymphoma, which might have been misdiagnosed HTLV1, which could have then been passed on to their new patient. So now it's cancer. Time for radiation!

House does some clinic work (which is always fun) and works on a guy in a Chang and Eng costume. The costume consists of a dummy attached to his waist. He got in a fight for insisting on being called a "conjoined twin," rather than "Siamese twin." House points out that Chang and Eng were, in fact, Siamese twins, in that they were twins from Siam, which is now called Thailand. That's where we got the phrase from! Park comes in so House can make her lecture the patient about settling disputes physically. Then it turns out that House was tricking her into saying, "sometimes it's incredibly satisfying to punch someone who deserves it" so he could record it on his phone. Park is dismayed that House now has evidence that he can use at the disciplinary hearing to make her lose her bet with him. Park does not appear to realize that the disciplinary committee is unlikely to take anything House says at face value. I have to assume that whenever House isn't actively working on a case, he's appearing in front of some board or another for his constant stream of misbehavior.

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House

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